It breaks my heart every time I talk to her because, I remember that feeling. I remember what it felt like to be lost and to feel so alone. You get to a point where you think the answer to all your problems is what you've left behind so you try to go back. But you can't.
You can't go back. And in reality, you shouldn't.
What's even harder is that I know she thinks that I don't understand. And to some extent she's right. I don't know what it's like to be so in love with SOMEONE that it hurts because honestly, I've never felt that way about anyone. But I do know what it's like to miss something so much that it feels like your empty inside. To feel so lost and alone that you would do anything to get rid of that feeling.
How it can hurt you inside and tear you apart organ from organ, limb from limb, but you can't do anything to stop it. And, you know that there is nothing you can do. You're just going to have to ride it out.
I know. But to her, I'm just another person that does not understand.
How do you help someone who refuses to believe you can help? It gets to it's own point where you just don't want to help anymore. If she's not going to listen then what's the point of trying?
But i find myself ill-equipped. Even though there have been times where she's left me high and dry...i can't do it to her. Even when I know she deserves it sometimes, I can't bring myself to extract that revenge on her.
Does that make me merciful? Or make me a fool?
-_-x I wish she could see just how pointless it all is. How the love you find in this world doesn't mean anything in comparison to the grand scheme of things. I wish she could see that when love here on earth can break your heart God's love would never do such a thing and it can heal everything that's gone wrong in life.
But I fear that she is so in love with this world that...really...she won't see and more importantly doesn't want to see it.
God help her, because He knows that she needs it from somewhere.
2 comments:
i love you my writerrrr prima princessa !
"Even when I know she deserves it sometimes, I can't bring myself to extract that revenge on her."
I would say this makes you a fool, because you're fooled into thinking you deserve to exact revenge. The Lord says otherwise:
Romans 12:19-21
Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
We add frustration upon ourselves when we delude ourselves into thinking hearts are within our power to change. It sounds like you've done a lot for this girl, and thank God for your persistence and response to your convictions. If she doesn't know God, show her the gospel and let Him change her at His will. If she does know Him, hold her accountable to the Bible and let Him change her at His will. That's all you should do, but more importantly, it's all you can do.
Your will to act is vast, Aarika, and with it I know you can be used mightily for His glory.
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