Mama's Day...

I honestly think that because I've spent the majority of my life listening to music and trying to pick out vocal parts I find it very easy to identify voices. So I shouldn't be surprised that people's voices are very easy to remember. It's always been a blessing; very helpful in every musical aspect...

But it also...never ceases to hit me at randomly horrible times as well.

Take today for instance: we went to Forest Lawn and, at first, it was fantastic. Being with the family, enjoying a celebration of Mothers. But it was as I was walking to the car and thinking back to last mother's day that her voice came back.

My Tita Joyce.

I don't remember much of what happened last year, but it just came as a very weary, "Thank you." With a giggle. Her giggle. And it suddenly was hard to breathe. I find it happening a lot lately too. The other day I was on yahoo games randomly and found myself playing Bookworm. I could just hear telling me about it. She was the one that introduced me to it and I can just hear her, "Aarika it's a good game! It helps you practice your words."

Wow. That was such a long time ago.

I miss her so much. At times more so than others. But, even still, it's in those moments that I wish I could just forget.

It's a bittersweet and painful.

overwhelming and debilitating.

And then there are those moments when I'm with my family...singing and I swear I can hear her voice. Her alto ringing out and helping me find the part and I just have to accept it, because I would rather remember wishing to forget than to have forgotten and be desperate to remember.