"i got into a car accident."
Saying it out loud feels shocking and so I can't really be surprised by the reactions I get when I say it, but still, I find it unfathomable.
but here the facts:
I was driving down the 57 south, on my way to go pick up Alanna and Eric and possibly EJ for Cassie and Garrett's Cabaret show. I had just merged from the 10 west and was about 1/2 mile away from Sunset Crossing when I realized the lady in my left lane was preparing to merge into me. I don't even think she saw me or saw the fact that she sandwiched me between her car and another, but she just kept going. She was going to hit me. And so my initial instinct was to pull away.
I swerved right and then realized there was another car there and then swerved left again in my lane only to find her still coming. So I broke (out of instinct) and then the car fishtailed.
I lost control of the wheel and just felt the car drift; turning within the lane to face the wrong way and it kept going.
I remember thinking, "Please just don't hit anything. Please just don't hit anything. Please everyone just get out of the way." And my overactive imagination was running 6 million miles a second picturing collisions and overturned cars etc. etc. Finally, it was over. When my head stopped spinning I found myself facing the Northbound 57 and cars coming up on my left.
A few cars went around me, but most stopped and waited while I got my bearings and pulled out. It was there at the side of the road that I began hyperventilating.
After that it was a blur of tears and conversations in broken English between me, my parents (who came to my rescue) and the Asian couple who's driver's door was smashed in. I was set to believe that it had all been my fault, that I must have hit them and would have to suffer the consequences of that, but...they said it wasn't me. They said it was someone else that hit them and drove off.
Honestly? I don't think I'll ever be sure.
It all happened so fast. All I do remember was that, I forgot to think about myself in the situation. Throughout the entire ordeal I just kept thinking, "Please everyone stop. Don't come any closer. It's not safe. It's not safe." I was afraid of someone not seeing me and crashing into me and getting hurt.
I never realized what could have happened to me until my dad pointed it out later. He said, "Aarika do you realize that the way your car was spinning you could have tipped over?"
Honestly? No. I didn't know that. I didn't think about it. But I dreamt about it that night. I dreamt about it and daydreamed about it and when I close my eyes I can still relive it.
When you look at it my car, you wouldn't think any of this happened to me. My jeep is beast that will not be killed. But it happened. And regardless of the nearly invisible outward injuries, I've still got a few internal ones. Cause I can't seem to forget them.
I still remember spinning and praying and not being able to breathe and telling everyone I was okay when I felt horrible inside. I still remember pushing everything aside and pretending I was fine and breaking down whenever anyone hugged me.
I still remember and I don't want to forget.
Because to forget it all would be to forget that God saved me. That God rescued me in my time of need and protected me. That, even after it, He reminded me of all the people in my life that care and worry about me. God reminded me of how He has blessed me with my family and church family and just a plethora of people who are willing and able to comfort me in times like this.
But God also showed me, that I'm not afraid of death or to die, because He's on the other side. Granted, that doesn't mean I WANT to die. But, at least I know that, if ever the time comes, I won't be fearful of it because to live is Christ and to die is gain.
And lastly, God showed me that I still have a lot of work to do. There are people here that I am meant to affect and work here that I meant to do for Him. And there are things that I want people to remember me by, so I better get to it.
"I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done."
Pslam 118:17
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