Through this teaching opportunity, God has been teaching me to stop turning to other things for control and start trusting Him to handle it.
In the last month I have gone through the ringer and back, trying to grasp onto the ease I had when I decided to come out here. There was so little I knew about what I was getting myself into that in my head I had simply resigned myself to the facts:
1. God is good.
2. He is calling me to the Philippines
3. I have a job there
4. I'm teaching High School English
5. I'm going to write.
It's amazing how when a few of the pieces begin to crack, we as humans hone in on it like an obsession and lose sight of everything else.
Last week when everything began to fall apart these became the facts:
1. God is good
2. He is calling me to the Philippines
3. I don't have a job
4. I'm not sure if I'm going to teach at all
5. I'm going to write.
To paraphrase the Meatloaf song, "Three out of five 'aint bad." But did I listen? No. I panicked under pressure, I began to feel myself sinking just as Peter did when Jesus called him out into the water and he turned his eyes toward the storm.
I praise God for the instinct to bring Max Lucado's "Fearless" with me because it's brought me more clarity and comfort in times of fear than any of my other books. God is an amazing Father for creating writers like Max Lucado, who not only love Him, but write for Him.
"His call to courage is not a call to naivete or ignorance. We aren't to be oblivious to the overwhelming challenges that life brings. We're to counterbalance them with long looks at God's accomplishments."
In a recent email to one of my nearest and dearest I expressed to her my growing anxieties over losing my high school teaching position. She knows, better than most, how controlling and obsessive compulsive I am about plans, mostly because she is the same. But she is also one of my biggest wake up calls and I thank God every day for friends like her that understand and know where to find the pressure points.
"Don't find assurance in a the job because the only assurance is in Christ." That's what I took away from our conversation, as well as the reminder that lacking job doesn't diminish the capacity of God's goodness. Looking at my list that is apparent.
1. God is STILL good.
2. He is calling me to the Philippines.
In times of fear we must counterbalance the challenges with long looks at God's accomplishments. He hangs his diplomas outside my window in the morning breeze, in the falling rain, in the warmth of the sun, in the welcoming nature of my family. I had to remember that life is not without challenges, but I am not without God, so who is to say that those challenges are going to be bigger than Him?
We have selective memories. We forget who it is we answer to and just how amazing He really is. But when He answers, you are completely in awe of how much He really listened.
What do I know now? What are the facts?
1. God is ALWAYS good
2. He has called me to the Philippines
3. I have a job
4. I'm teaching College English subjects
5. I'm going to write it all down so that I never forget who God is.
No comments:
Post a Comment