God is seriously working.

Jeremiah 33:3

"Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known."

Over the past few months, this verse has come to the forefront of my thoughts. I cannot deny that God has used this past year to reveal many things to me that I did not know. "Great and hidden things" that I blinded myself to with my stubbornness and my desire for control.

But as I've said before and as I continue to say to people, prayer is so powerful and when you seek God in prayer you better be ready to receive answers that you never expected.

I am still trying to figure everything out. Trying to discern my will from God's will and make sure that I am taking the necessary precautions and steps to not just be "smart" but be wise. I think so often we strive to do one, but not the other and in the process we sacrifice things that we shouldn't, like our trust in God's plan and His sovereignty. Or we trick ourselves into thinking that our will is God's will.

But really when we do that it eventually reveals our fears and insecurities and really...what do we have to fear and be insecure about when God is on our side?

C.S. Lewis says, 

"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” 

I find that incredibly poignant. Being a person who doesn't have a high tolerance for pain, I can identify with that statement and even say that I live by it. My humanity, more often than I would like, gets in the way of my complete trust in God. Not because God has ever done anything to lose my trust, but because I sometimes forget who it is I'm trusting in.

And really, sometimes the lessons God teaches to me come in painful realities. Realities that are heartbreaking and soul-aching, but life changing.

Trials and teachings like this are considered a Refiner's fire. Scalding, painful, but overall for our benefit.

I think back on all the lessons I was taught through everything I experienced and even everything I am experiencing now. And I see how God has worked and is working. I remember what I was praying for before and how God gave me answers I never thought I would ever consider.

I mean...this is where I'm at:

Me, the homebody Aarika, who was ready and willing to live, marry, and die in California is now considering other options. Is now, SERIOUSLY, considering life outside of the bubble.

It's all so exciting and scary and new. And I'm still pushing myself to really surrender all that I am to God. But a little part of me always questions how much more will I be asked to sacrifice?

And then I have to hit myself in the faith and remember, Christ sacrificed it all for the sake of the Father's plan to save me. I keep reminding myself to take up my cross and follow does not mean cutting my cross into sections and only taking the pieces of it that are easy to carry. I need to take all of it.

And remember that it could have been worse. It could have been impossible to carry, but Christ lessened that load.