The last few weeks have been really hard.
Satan has just been pounding down on my heart and my confidence to the point where I can't seem to discern what's spiritual warfare from Satan and spiritual discipline from God.
And I've been getting really angry lately in my heart.
I get angry at people for being rude and having bad attitudes.
I get angry at people for thinking that it's okay to kick me when I'm down.
I get angry at people who tell me to "relax"
because they always seem to say it when they think I'm tense
but, in reality, it makes me tense that they assume I'm on a short fuse.
I get angry because people think they know me so well
but they don't know me well enough to understand that sometimes I just need to get out all the thoughts that are swimming in my head.
And I get angry that all that anger and emotion disappears as time drags on and I get too tired to say anything about it until it happens again.
People are always trying to give me advice
"Relax" "Take a deep breath" "stop stressing"
Truth? I wasn't actually stressing until you said all that stuff because it made me think that there was something to be stressed about.
And moreover?
It makes me even more tense when I can't get out two words without the good intentioned petting and "calm down, just calm down"
UGH! Sometimes I want to scream, "just shut up!"
-_-x
I'm sorry. that was rude.
It's just...
I think I know myself pretty well.
I think I know when I've hit the "overwhelmed" button on my personality clock.
But I always seem to hit it twice as fast when every body is talking at once and trying to calm me down.
I can't calm down if every one keeps talking, I just can't.
Because when everyone keeps talking I can't think.
I can barely breathe.
And all it makes me feel like at the end is angry, emotional, and tired.
Everything everyone keeps warning me not to be
*sigh*
I just need a break. I feel like I need to just be by myself and away from everything because God and I have to get back on the same page here.
I've lost sight of Him and what He's trying to tell me a few pages back and I gotta get up to speed.
I don't want to be angry anymore
I don't want to be sad
or tired or bitter.
I just want to be able to breathe again
And I need to figure this out before I actually explode.
-_-x
Please just pray for me
That's all I ask from you. For prayer.
Pray for peace. For clarity. For resolution.
For rest. Because at this point I'm running on empty and I need God to refuel me and no one else.
thanks.
Satan has just been pounding down on my heart and my confidence to the point where I can't seem to discern what's spiritual warfare from Satan and spiritual discipline from God.
And I've been getting really angry lately in my heart.
I get angry at people for being rude and having bad attitudes.
I get angry at people for thinking that it's okay to kick me when I'm down.
I get angry at people who tell me to "relax"
because they always seem to say it when they think I'm tense
but, in reality, it makes me tense that they assume I'm on a short fuse.
I get angry because people think they know me so well
but they don't know me well enough to understand that sometimes I just need to get out all the thoughts that are swimming in my head.
And I get angry that all that anger and emotion disappears as time drags on and I get too tired to say anything about it until it happens again.
People are always trying to give me advice
"Relax" "Take a deep breath" "stop stressing"
Truth? I wasn't actually stressing until you said all that stuff because it made me think that there was something to be stressed about.
And moreover?
It makes me even more tense when I can't get out two words without the good intentioned petting and "calm down, just calm down"
UGH! Sometimes I want to scream, "just shut up!"
-_-x
I'm sorry. that was rude.
It's just...
I think I know myself pretty well.
I think I know when I've hit the "overwhelmed" button on my personality clock.
But I always seem to hit it twice as fast when every body is talking at once and trying to calm me down.
I can't calm down if every one keeps talking, I just can't.
Because when everyone keeps talking I can't think.
I can barely breathe.
And all it makes me feel like at the end is angry, emotional, and tired.
Everything everyone keeps warning me not to be
*sigh*
I just need a break. I feel like I need to just be by myself and away from everything because God and I have to get back on the same page here.
I've lost sight of Him and what He's trying to tell me a few pages back and I gotta get up to speed.
I don't want to be angry anymore
I don't want to be sad
or tired or bitter.
I just want to be able to breathe again
And I need to figure this out before I actually explode.
-_-x
Please just pray for me
That's all I ask from you. For prayer.
Pray for peace. For clarity. For resolution.
For rest. Because at this point I'm running on empty and I need God to refuel me and no one else.
thanks.
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