Distractions

So,

last night I made my way to the biffer's home so that we could trek our way together out to Irvine. The home turf of a sister in Christ as well as the MTV made famous hip hop "crew" Kaba Modern.

UC Irvine's local celebrity dance fratority...er. crew. =P

Anyway, it was all really for Richelle Jeans, so that she could get a sense of what an audition for a crew would look like and also so she could support some of the friends she made in the process of doing dance workshops with Kaba.

It was very interesting for me, a bonafide "not dancer" to get a look into this world that has taken my BFF by the heart and pulled her in. But overall, I came out with one important lesson.

You gotta be confident in yourself and your skill.

Granted there were some who were more "skilled" than others but the fact that so many of them went in, guns blazing, and performing their hearts out...well...it was inspiring.

Made me remember just how lackluster I've been in my own journey toward what has always been my ultimate goal: The Best-Seller's list.

Perhaps it's because the literary world is not as flashy as the dance world or as blatantly soul pouring...but the rules still apply.

Art is art. And if I got it in my heart, then I gotta lay it all on the floor and just go for it.

A few years ago, my response when people would say "it's hard to get published" or "it's so competitive in that field, are you sure you can be that cut throat?" was to smile and shrug saying that I wasn't worried about it.

I had this confidence that THIS is what God was calling me to do and no one could shake me. It would happen.

But that was a few years ago.

And now, over 100 units and three workshop classes later, with graduation within reach that confidence is not what it used to be.

I think somewhere along the line, after countless and countless of doubtful looks, attempts to play devil's advocate, and awkward tensions from the admission of my major, it started to get to me.

Even the reality of my professors saying, "Be prepared to have a different career and writing on the side, because the business is hard, especially now."

Was enough to shake me and make me question what exactly is the practical choice for me. *sigh* But even with all of that "practical" talk I can't shake the feeling that if I choose to change avenues now I'll sorely regret it later on. I'll regret not believing in myself enough to push through.

But that means now, I gotta stay focused. I gotta stop getting distracted and letting other things around me pull me off the road. I gotta stop moving so fast and just take a moment to figure out what NEEDS to be done NOW at THIS moment and leave all the extra stuff for my extra time.

Moreover, I need to remember that God is not amazing because He is a practical God, He is amazing because He is a miraculous God. And in the midst of all this confusion and struggle to focus, I have to focus on His voice only and keep pressing forward. Block out all else and just listen to Him.

Pray for that. Because I really really REALLY need it.