This year I get two birthdays. =]

When I turned 20, God gave contentment and confidence in the wake of my second year of college. I was at the beginning of a new ministry endeavor and feeling invincible with God on my side.

At 21 I was in Vegas, awkwardly maneuvering through my first round of drinks and blushing my way through ordering them. (Who comes up with some of these vulgar names huh?) But at the same time God also gave me perspective on what it means to be an adult and the responsibility of conduct that comes with it.

 

This time last year, at 22, I watched two of my dearest friends join together in holy matrimony. God gave me their example of a Christ-centered love and reminded me of what it is I'm praying for: the love of a husband who loves Christ more than he loves me.

This year, at 23, I'm in the Philippines, in my last stretch of my year abroad, contemplating  where to go after this and completely in awe of the gifts God has given year-round.

But at this moment, I know that God has truly given me rest in Him, which is something I have been sorely lacking in the last 22 years of my life. God has given me rest and serenity in His presence. He has also given me new ambition and a passionate love for the new and old people in my life. These are things that stagger me and I just can't believe the omnipotence of the Lord, sometimes.

The truth is I never really pictured myself reaching 23.

I think I've said this before, but I always thought the rapture would have happened by now and I would forever live in heaven at the ripe age of 16 or 17. Just imagine my surprise when on my 18th birthday I woke up and was still on Earth! Haha!

But, I'm 23. Six years older than I thought I would be in heaven and, now that I've reached this point, I can't help but praise God for His omniscience.

He apparently has a lot of plans for me before I go home to be with Him.

For instance, He planned for me to:

- Graduate college

- Leave home

- Live abroad

- Meet people who would change my life.

- Be changed  by a country and a people and a lifestyle that has always been a part of me.

- love Him more because of it.

And I can't wait to find out what else He's got planned.

"Happy Birthday"

I've had my share of parties,

party dresses, party hats,

party favors, party themes,

I've really had all that.

I've had potluck lunches,

Pizza outings, movie dates,

Even a trip to Vegas

With free drinks and buffet plates

I've had dinner with my girlfriends

and with guy friends alike,

I've had all you can eat sushi

as a tradition on my birth night

But more than that I've had instances

of God's unwavering grace,

His love that has always showered me

And helped me face all that I've faced.

This year was very different,

More tame, if anything.

I'm here without my parents

and my brother and sister to sing.

There is no five part harmony

to the birthday song for me

No church family mooching food,

or youth to remind me I'm 23

But I am continually blessed

by the differences here,

The new faces and new friendships

I've made throughout the year.

I may not be home right now

To celebrate my birth,

But "home" has evolved to encompass more

Than where my house is on Google Earth

God, you have been so good to me,

The present of this year

Has been more than I could have ever hoped.

Thank you for bringing me here.

August: Shaken, not stirred...

I'm not sure if I could really articulate how incredible and overwhelming this month was,

but...as a writer half the fun is in the attempt. =P

So, let's start at the beginning...

I won't lie and say that the month started on a high note, because it surely did not. Not only was I reeling from being left to my own devices with my Lola leaving in late July, but I was also suffering from intense feelings of loneliness and homesickness because of VBS. Missing VBS was incredibly devastating for me because it IS my favorite time of the year. But God comforted me with the reassurance that He didn't send me here to think about the things I was missing, but to experience the things that I couldn't get back home. And man, do I praise God for his unfailing love and omniscience because He has been revealing Himself ten-times over this month.

For instance, if I had been in California this month instead of Eastern Samar then I would have completely missed out on the wonder that is Patron (pah-troh-n [haha don't forget to roll your "r"]).

August brought with it the Maydolong "Dolong Festival" which celebrates Saint Rocque who was the first to bring religion to the town. Now, regardless of the fact that the majority of Maydolong now is not Catholic, any excuse to party is a good excuse.

For a good week and a half before there were events every evening (3 of which I sang in) and August 15 was presentation day when all the schools and organizations first marched in a parade throughout town and ended up in the plaza for submission presentation. Four schools in all of Maydolong put together a kind of field show to portray how Maydolong got it's name, ESSU being one of them. So, prior to, classes were pretty much cancelled due to all the preparation.

But man was it worth it:



you can check out all of the photos here

But let me just say, I've never seen so many colors. And the fact that so many of my students, friends, and family were in the Fiesta parade and presentation gave me a sense of pride that I think will always have no matter where I go in life. I tend to get attached pretty quickly so I really shouldn't be surprised how much love I have for the people that I have come to meet and know here in Maydolong.

But anyway moving on...August 15 and 16 was a day to wander from house to house for free food. I can safely say that I was full for the two days that followed (and I only went to one house) but it was more the companionship that I found solace in. Which brings me to another reason why August was so monumental:

You want to make friends, you fellowship with them.

Fiesta was a reason to fellowship with an array of different people outside of the formality of school and work. I got to meet and introduce myself officially to a lot of my cousins' friends and even hang out with CYF in a different type of setting. It was a good week and it continued to build upon that foundation well into the following week.

Dinner with CYF

Snack in Lolo's Nipa Hut

 

Compassion Family Day

One event that I have been super excited for since Kimberly, Joey, and I became independent from Lolo and Lola was their birthday weekend. Kimberly's birthday is August 24th and Joey's August 27th, which I found out on a random evening when we were watching television.

This year Kimberly's birthday was on a Friday and Joey's the following Monday so, early on, I suggested we go do something. I love celebrating birthdays and making a big deal out of them. It's what Ate Aarika does, but I had a lot to learn about birthday traditions here in the P.I.

For instance, the MAJOR difference between birthday celebrations here in the Philippines and celebrations in the States is who throws the party.

Here, if it's your birthday, you're the one to throw the party, prepare the food, pay for everything, etc. etc. and giving presents is just not done. The present is that people show up. This is why people don't usually celebrate their birthday because they don't have the money to fund something like that, so in the past the most either of them had done was maybe have a few friends over for snack.

When Joey and Kimberly explained this to me I was floored. "What?! But...it'syourbirthday. Everyone else should be giving things to you, not the other way around! Andwhywouldn't you celebrate? It's an important day!" Haha it was pretty funny, but I relented. I figured, even if they didn't feel comfortable in doing something I would do what I do best and give them everything I could.

Of course when the days came, they brought with them the reality of how much God has blessed Kimberly and Joey with really loving and good friends. Friends who want to celebrate them more than the two of them want to celebrate themselves.

It just goes to show how humbleness, sincerity, and generosity are rewarded by the Lord. God has revealed so many of His own attributes through the two of them and I am constantly in awe over how the Lord lives through them. I praise God so much for giving them each another year to just be these beacons of light.

yeah. Gotta love 'em.

So, for Kimberly's birthday many of her friends came to the house and they cooked noodles and rice, brought drinks and snacks, and we made a day of it eating the bakintol that Kimberly taught me to roll the night before.



Her friends are all her batch mates: Criminology students that have, apparently, been wanting to get to know me for a while.

After an initial awkwardness of not really knowing what to say to each other we eventually fell into a comfortable banter. They tried their best to speak English to me while I tried my best to use what Waray/Tagalog I knew. Haha who knew that years of listening in on conversations back home would serve me well here or that I was even paying that much attention, but I surprised myself with how much Tagalog I actually do know.



But anyway, the language barrier has become more endearing than detrimental and Kimberly has told me that her classmates think I'm very cute. Like a chipmunk (they didn't actually say "Like a chipmunk" but I like to add that part since it's my cheeks that seem to be cutesy to a lot of them).

Now, I know that one day didn't completely eliminate the anxiety I tend to give people inadvertently, but it was enough to ensure an enjoyable Tuesday when I returned to school and felt like I had a stronger support system through the difficult times.

For Joey there was more of a hulabaloo over because 1. He's in ESSU-Chorale so his friends are performers. 2. He shares a birthday with Kuya Raffy who is not shy about wanting to celebrate his birthday either. And 3. President Benny Aquino announced that we would commemorate National Heroes Day on Monday August 27th instead of it's actual day:
Sunday, August 26th. That meant no school, no work, party party party.

Haha, so Joey's birthday actually started at 4am Monday morning.

I got a text message from one of my students, who also happens to be a Chorale Member with Joey and Kimberly and I let them through the gate. One of the traditions that I have come to deeply appreciate here in Maydolong is the Serenading Tradition, usually done on someone's birthday. I remember when I first came to Maydolong in 2006 my family was serenaded outside of our house the morning after we arrived and for Lolo's birthday CYF also serenaded Lolo in the morning.

This was no different. The ESSU-Chorale came and proceeded to serenade Joey for his birthday while Kimberly and I cooked breakfast. Spaghetti is the only thing I know how to make (and the Philippines is well stocked in Filipino spaghetti ingredients) so that's what we made. I praise God for the foresight to cook more since the CYF showed up at about 5am to serenade Joey also.

There were a lot of people in the house that morning.









CYF then told us that they actually came over to cook for lunch since we were all supposed to go to the beach to celebrate for Kuya Raffy and Joey, but we sent them away and said to come back after everyone had left.

Once they had, I amused myself by taking pictures of the boys work in the kitchen.
In contrast to when Kimberly's friends came over and all the girls cooked the food, for Joey's birthday all the boys did the cooking. I am constantly amazed by the resourcefulness of Filipino teenagers in the Province. The way that they are taught from a very young age to keep house is unlike the US culture or even the culture of Filipino teenagers in Metro Manila. It's an initiative that I know US grown kids don't gain until past eighteen (sometimes never) and I am both fascinated and convicted by their example.




After all the preparation we loaded up a put-put and headed over to the beach for a day of music, eating, and lots of picture taking.





For that celebration, and all the photos from this weekend, you can check the photos here.

But anyway, it was a good day with a lot of food, a lot of laughs, and a LOT of pictures.

Talking it over with Joey, after everything was said and done, even he couldn't believe all of the blessings given by his friends. All the work, the food, the money that was donated for the work and the food, 21 proved to have a good start to it and for Kimberly 19, as well.
After the birthday celebrations things pretty much returned to normal. We went back to school and things began to settle down other than the fact that we have a Showcase Concert scheduled for Sept. 7 so the practices for that began in full swing.

Lots of evenings at church. Lots of dancing and singing. It's almost like being home, only I'm in the youth instead of directing. (Can't say I don't enjoy it)
But then of course the excitement couldn't be over. August had done so well to shake up my perspective of life here that it was only fitting that the world offer a physical representation of it.

August 31st, 2012 - Friday night, after choir practice Joey, Kimberly, and I came back home with Roselle Ann (another cousin) and Brent (a friend from church). We were just hanging out in the living room, watching Wil Time Big Time, and then the house began to shake.
Now...there have been quite a few earthquakes since I've been here. None that were strong, most were just aftershocks from neighboring countries, so we've made a habit of the Deer in the Headlights reaction when the house begins to shake. But as the shaking persisted and then the electricity flashed on and off the flight reaction took over and we bolted out of the house, Kimberly and I out the back door, Joey, Roselle, and Brent out the front.

The electricity gave out and we could feel the Earth shaking beneath our feet. We had nowhere to go. In my mind I kept thinking, "We really shouldn't be near this tree," but the quaking didn't feel big enough to have to duck for cover, it just felt like any other aftershock. The difference was the duration. It was long and frightening all the same and once over we shuffled into the house to make sure that everything was alright.

I don't think any of us knew how to react so...we just made jokes. "Well, I guess we're all sleeping in the living room."

The humor was short lived as a ruckus could be heard outside and our gate was thrust open. There was a lot of yelling in Waray, but what I could understand was what people were yelling about, "The sea! The sea!"

The earthquake had led to gigantic waves and it was enough to remind everyone that we are on an island and a big earthquake could lead to a tsunami. Again, no one knew how to react, especially us, a bunch of sarcastic teenager to twenty-somethings so what did we do?

Continue to make jokes.

A lot of the children were frightened, crying and praying, crying and praying and I suddenly remembered that people here have never felt earthquakes like that and are also not privy to California desensitization towards natural disasters. So, what did I do? I texted my family. I asked them to pray for us so that we would be protected and that people would stay calm.

That was of course before I realized the severity of the earthquake. Of COURSE my family would be the first to go online and see what the magnitude was. Even we didn't know that here in Maydolong, but 7.9 is enough to shake up the whole world. Honestly, it didn't feel like a 7.9, but we knew enough to stay on higher ground and open our house to our family and friends who needed to a place on higher ground also.

We made a night of it: Late night talks, pictures documenting our makeshift slumber party, as well as more joking, "Don't go into town! The town is empty!" (one of those 'you had to be there' moments.

Yes, we all did not sleep well and yes we were stuck in a brown out throughout the next day into the evening, but...I couldn't really complain. It was the climactic end to a very exciting month and only made me excited to see what the coming months had in store.

That and...in all honesty I love brown out nights. Nights when there is no electricity and so Joey, Kimberly, and I lay out together by candlelight, hugging the tile floor in order to stay cool. We talk, we joke, we listen to the sound of the "oh. another frog." haha (another inside joke) and we fall asleep like that, completely at peace with the world.

The Lord is so good. He provided so many amazing things within the month of August and my only prayer is that the coming months are just as full and eye-opening. I am in awe of His provision and I never want that feeling to go away.

Lord you are good and your mercy endureth forever.

"Let's keep it simple," He says.

I have never, in my entire life, been a quiet person.

You can ask anyone. 

I have always been loud, outspoken, long-winded, 

a girl prone to giving too much information. 

I lack the ability to enjoy silence and the skill to sit amidst it without putting my foot in my mouth or making myself look completely ridiculous.

That's always been me. That's always been who I am.

But what often happens, when you make drastic life changes, 

is you get the chance to reinvent yourself 

and see who you become when you are no longer in the comfort zone.

Here, I am rather shy. Haha I know. Shocker.

I am shy and quiet and a regular homebody.

Part of it is because I'm submerged in a culture 

with a language I don't understand a majority of the time 

and therefore I can't really contribute to the conversations much anyway.

And the other part of it is...I'm rather enjoying the silence now.

For years I've been all about telling stories. 

Telling stories to everyone and anyone about everything and anything.

But I've been musing a lot on the ideas God must have had in sending me here.

Me, the most talkative person in the world,

to a place where I can't really talk that much.

Obviously, there's something I've got to hear.

So, 

I think this year is all about listening. 

To my students, to my grandparents, to my family.

Listening to the story God is trying to tell me through all of them.

Listening to the lessons God is trying to give me through the silence.

One thing that comes with that is the call for simplicity. 

Sometimes, too many words complicate things.

And in a place as simply beautiful as Maydolong?

Complicating things is an injustice to it.

In class, I have to be explicit when I explain things. 

I can no longer rely on the implications because my students don't know them.

My references differ from theirs. So I need to simplify.

Not dumb down. They aren't lacking in intelligence.

No, they deserve more than that

And so, they force me to be creative. It's easier for me to adapt to them

than ask all of them to change for me.

Therefore, it's about listening. Listening to how they speak and the jokes they make. Listening to the questions they have and opening myself up to hear them.

In the classroom God has whispered,"Let's keep it simple,"

And I intend to do just that.

Summer days

in thinking over the past month or so since school ended

I've realized that a LOT has happened.

1. I have gone through a plethora of novels,

some good, some sad, some enlightening

some that showed me that a writer can be anyone and everyone

and that is the reason why i do what i do.

2. i've finished directing another musical,

which taught me more about patience and discernment than the last two combined

3. i've spent a lot of time by myself and with my thoughts.

God has been asking me to re-evaluate myself in everything from:

my relationship with my family to my relationship with my church family

my career goals, my life goals, my ministry goals...

and let's just say I've had a lot on my mind.

4. i've been able to spend a lot of time with family.

Especially these last few weeks.

My cousin Jac flew in from Texas last Tuesday and we were all reunited!

I praise God for the opportunity to bond and form a relationship with my cousin.

For his provision of time off work and free time to spend with her and my family.

I praise Him for the ability to talk to her and relate to her

and the capacity to love her as more than just blood,

but as a person who is praying for her salvation.

Also, my family from New Jersey AND the Philippines flew in

and after a much loved outing to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

the entire Ormeo clan was present at the Alura home for a full day of fellowship, eating, swimming, screaming, and more eating.

5. And lastly, I've really got to spend some time with God,

praying and trying to figure out where to go from here.

Most importantly, God has been waiting for me to turn to Him and say,

"Lord, I don't know where I am. I need you to lead me and I need you to stop me from trying to be a backseat driver."

So that's what I've been trying to do. Be more honest, be a better listener, be a better servant, and be a better me. I've had a lot of things building within me for the past year and I think some well spent time in prayer has been needed. Lord, keep the good hits coming and the bad ones going, cause i do not want to end this summer having learned nothing.

What do I want?

5. to travel. to see the world and broaden my horizons

4. to pursue a dream wholeheartedly

3. to make it on my own

2. to hear God speak

1. to do God's will

The Analogy

"I get so frustrated because I worry that I'm doing things out of obligation rather than desire. And I question whether or not it's something I really WANT to do."

This is something that has been coming up a lot in regards to our Christian lives. I've heard so many statements like this from the Youth in church and have even said this myself; questioned myself about my reasonings to do certain things involving an active Christian life.

Am I ready?

Am I mature enough?

Am I the right person?

Am I saying yes because I actually want to serve or because I feel like I have to?

Is God calling me?

Is God testing me?

Is Satan tempting me?

Is this where God is leading?

Is this where my own desires are leading?

Does God want me here

Or do I want me here?

Am I doing this for the right reasons?

Do I really mean that?

Do. I. REALLY. believe?

*Sigh* Okay, look:

Personally, I have major control issues and I also have the unfortunate habit of analyzing everything and reading too much into it. Sometimes...

No.

All the time: I analyze things so much that I end up missing out on a lot of opportunities and I lack trust in myself and, ultimately, in God.

And why is that? Because I'm scared. I'm scared, when things get hard, of my motives and if my heart is in the right place. It shouldn't feel like an obligation... right?

Wrong. Well... sort of.

Let me explain. Yes. You should never approach your Christian life and your relationship with Christ as solely an obligation because Christian obedience comes from the love and desire you have for Him.

But, to assume that there is no level of obligation or there will be no level of obligation required is wrong.

Because there will be things that you cannot foresee that you will have to face and you may not be the biggest fan of it, but they will need to be done. There will be times when God's work needs to be continued. "Keep doing the work"

Think of it this way: (And this goes out to all of those who are going to college next year)

Imagine there is a class that you are extremely interested in taking. (It could be choir, dance, theater, math, english, science, history, fashion etc. ANYTHING) You find that it fits into your schedule and it really excites you and challenges you and you just gotta take it because you are just so on fire for it.

So you sign up.

Why do you sign up?

Because you want to. Because you are genuinely interested and it just feels so good. Picture it okay?

Now, know this. Usually when you sign up for a class you don't know what the teacher has in store for it. You're not aware of the entire curriculum or what every assignment is or even every classmate you'll have, but that's something you gotta take on faith. Something that you agree to endure with signing up for the class. You hope for the best, but you have no idea what's going to happen. Right? That's how it usually goes.

So you go. You come in and you learn a lot the first day. You're teacher is great, the class sounds fun and the people around you seem interesting. Overall it looks like it's going to be a good class.

But a few weeks in, a particularly daunting assignment comes. It's a good one, it's something that the teacher says will help you and will change your perspective on things and really test what you've learned so far, but it's something you've never done before. In fact you are more than a little nervous. You're anxious. Scared.

But you have to do the assignment. It's part of your grade. You can't just not do it because you're scared. That's what you signed up for, even if you didn't know it at the time.

So question. Do you not like the class anymore? Or do you just not like the assignment?

Moreover, looking back do you question if you took the class out of obligation or do you realize that it's just the assignment being done out of obligation?

Let's do another classroom example: You come to class and the lesson your teacher is teaching on, isn't exactly the most stimulating lesson. In fact you don't even want to listen because you're feeling sick and tired and you just want to go home. But you know that, while the material might be bland, it's important for the class and important for your test. If you miss out on it you're not going to know the material and you're going to be left out to dry on those pop quiz days.

In that situation, do you stay in class because you want to? Or do you stay because you have to?

And again, looking back on it, did you take the class out of obligation or do you stay in class that day out of obligation?

A lot of times God calls us to do things that we're not used to or we may not feel up for. There will always be moments when we fall short because of our humanity and we just don't feel like doing what it is we should be doing. But we need to continue the work. It's what we signed up in our relationship with Christ and thankfully, we have a really understanding and loving teacher who is willing to help us through the rough spots.

The truth is a relationship with Christ cannot be solely based on obligation. But when we come to desire a relationship with Christ and we commit our lives to that relationship then we agree to take on all that comes in that relationship. We are bound to Him.

And yes, we can make mistakes. Yes we can fall short of our commitment. Fail a test. Disappoint the teacher. But because He is such an inspiring and wonderful teacher who loves us and wants nothing more than to see us succeed, then we can know that as long as we come to Him for help there is no way we can fail this class. He does everything He can to help us succeed. It is only when we do not take advantage of His love for us that we fail.

So you gotta give yourself a little more credit here. If you know that you were genuinely interested and have been genuinely interested in fostering a relationship with Christ then stop letting the fear of what your motives now for serving or loving God stop you from continuing to try.

There will be hard days. There will be days when you become broken and question whether or not you're even good enough to pursue God. But Paul says in Romans:

"We have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."

1 Corinthians 5:1-5

At the bottom of it all God wants what is best for us like any other Father and He gave us the means to succeed through an amazing teacher who was willing to sacrifice and DID sacrifice everything for us.

So in times of struggle when you begin to become frustrated and start to question whether or not you are cut out for this life. The Christian life. Just do what you would do in any situation. Bring it to your Father. Bring it to your Teacher. Ask for their help. And most importantly keep working hard, do the best that you can, and don't let your suffering hinder you.

A certain level of obligation comes with every relationship, but it is not and should not be the basis of it. So it is only when you are basing the entire relationship on obligation, like, I only love God because I feel like I should, then THAT's when you should worry. When you should question. When you should examine where exactly your heart lies because... that is when you really need to ask, "What am I doing here?"

My Birthday Weekend

"21"

A big year for most American youth, because it's the year we become "legal" and successfully break away from one of the last societal contingencies that shackle us to adolescence. Granted, there are many MANY people my age who fail to wait for this glorious year of adult hood before diving headfirst into the illegal act of underage drinking, but I am proud to say that I was not one of them.

I am proud to say that I waited until I was legal. And honestly? That made the experience so much more fulfilling and meaningful because I didn't give into temptation and God was so gracious in giving me a model family to set that example.

But, anyway, this past weekend was exciting for a number of reasons.

1. I was old enough to do more than just sit in the hotel room

2. I was going with my family in a huge brood and that's always fun when there is a lot of us.

3. I was old enough to play slot machines, though I did it only once or twice because I'm not too keen about chancing my money.

4. We were staying in Mandalay Bay.

and

5. I got to see and enjoy how much this right of passage into adult meant to my cousins, my aunts, my uncles, my grandparents, and my parents.

You see, for me, though I did enjoy this weekend, for my birthday I wasn't expecting much. I'm not much of a party-goer, the "party" scene isn't really my scene. But when the idea for this came up I went along with it, not because I didn't like the idea, but because my family loved the idea.

This was an opportunity for them to share in my graduation to adulthood. This was exciting for them and because of that the experience was all the more sweeter.

I laughed a lot. I learned a lot. And I had a lot of fun.

Now, with it over do I think it's something I would ever want to do again?

Uh... haha I wouldn't mind going back to Las Vegas, the city that never sleeps. The hotels were fun and there was a lot to see.

But I'm not too keen on alcoholic drinks. The few that I did have left me a little light-headed and the taste was not one I would be jumping to have again. And the casino games kind of scared me. I would have preferred to go to Circus Circus or Excalibur and blow my money on carnival games, but watching people play is fun.

So, overall, I think I've simply come to the conclusion that it's nice to have the option.

And I praise God because this is one more thing that He's saved me from being enslaved to. He kept me away from temptation, He kept me grounded with loving parents and a loving family that keeps me accountable to my actions. And He also continues to provide these things regardless of my age.

So again, it's great that I have the option. But it's even more amazing when I choose to opt out.

watching as they tread the proverbial boards

So...it's come around again: my return to the theater.

=D

I can't lie...I really did miss the work. Despite the late hours and the fact that I've had to miss some pretty important events, I can't be too upset about it. God allowed me to sign up for this class year for a reason...and just like choir...coming back as a returner is different and more exhilarating.


This time around, I'm a "spot op" which basically means I maneuver the spotlight on characters and different things throughout the show.


It's harder than my last job...but, I like it. I think I would enjoy anything I would be asked to do (just short of acting) haha.

Praise God for new opportunities and also for old reminders of what's been pressing into my heart for a while now.

i am offered grace

there are many instances in my life when i feel God's reality.

not all are blatant nor subtle,

nor trivial or life-changing.
They are simply instances that are constant and subsequent of each other,
which serve to remind me that God is always working.

things that remind me that there is a God:

1. pablo neruda's sonnet XVII
2. sibling tv watching time with the perfect slice of pizza
3. reading sarah dessen books
4. cupcakes
5. waking up early without the alarm

they all seem so random, but the reality of God's presence is in the realization that none of these things would be possible without Him.

and that...is beautiful.

VBS 2010

So the time has finally come... for VBS.

and for those who have no inclination as to what that is, it stands for

Vacation Bible School

mMm. feels so good to be dedicating a whole week entirely to the Lord.
Granted, we should always be striving to dedicate ALL of our time to the Lord, but sometimes we let time slip away from us and it's moments like this, when you truly schedule your life around your relationship with God, that it puts everything else into perspective.

The past two days have been JAMPACKED full of activities. And when I finally can stop myself from nodding off, I'll be able to expand more, but let me just share with you my favorite song from this year's VBS.

You know, a lot of people didn't like it after they first heard it because it has some yodeling. But once you get through, you realize that it is actually a REALLY great song.
CHECK IT!

TUMBLEWEED:

Don't be a tumbleweed
Going anywhere the wind may lead
plant your self deep
in the B.I.B.L.E.

God's word can set you free
From being like that tumbleweed
If you just take the time to learn your ABC's

You've got to A admit to God that you're a sinner
And repent
And turn away from your sin

You've got to B Believe that Jesus is the Son of God
And accept His gift of forgiveness
You've got to C confess your faith in Jesus
As your savior and Lord
Forevermore

And you won't ever be like a tumbleweed

Don't be a dried up
Fried up
Petrified.
Just let the love of God change you inside.
He's got a plan for you,
I guarantee

And it all begins with the ABC's

in lieu of my new discovery...

I am putting up a VLOG!
Yes. I thought it would be cool to put up a short vlog about where I'm staying and who I'm staying with.

God has been so good to me in this experience and since I can't seem to upload the pictures of my AMAZING discovery today, I figure I'll try again tomorrow and put up my Vlog instead. I pray that it will be the first of many and that the connection here won't be too slow that it'll be really difficult.

Hope you enjoy the randomness that ensues.

see you when i see you.

Dear Friends,

I'm scared. I'm excited and giddy and nervous, but most of all scared.

To be faced with the situation I am in, it's no wonder I'm overwhelmed. But...at the same time I thank God for being in my life. Because without Him I wouldn't appreciate the opportunity and with Him I am able to be find joy in every moment of it.

God is so good and so wise and so...perfect.

He is everything I need and so now, in my fear, I look to Him for solace and for strength to press forward with courage. I may not be brave, but God is bigger than all my fears and anything I would be fearful of.

I am so blessed that I don't think I could ever press in words how thankful I am for what God has given me. But, He knows my heart and I find it amazing that that is enough for Him. =D

I'll update when I can and just know, this is a reminder that when things get you down or scare you or worry you, just sing:

"God is so good.
God is so good.
God is SO good.
He's so good to me.

God loves me so.
God loves me so.
God loves me so.
He's SO GOOD to me."

"I have set the Lord always before me.
Becayse he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken."
Psalm 16:8

wow. there's a lot of oxygen...

Okay. It's been a while, but, I've finally made some time.

It has officially been a week since school let out and the first few days were spent cleaning and ridding myself of all of the things I was holding onto throughout the year. Clothes, textbooks, test papers, study guides. All of it had culminated over the course of nine months, but now, I am happy to report, that everything is either in the garbage or in a Balikbayan box postmarked for the Philippines.

It took three full days to sift through everything, but, as my sister said, "[My] closet doesn't look like Narnia's in there anymore." ;P

It was strange finding and coming across different bits of the year and even finding different bits of years LONG past. It was therapeutic and cleansing and strangely satisfying.

Like looking back for the first time after a run and seeing just how far you'd made it. Or checking your watch after a really hectic flood of customers and realizing that your shift is almost over.

It was gratifying.

But now that my cleaning is done...I find myself in a strange place.

Suddenly, after months and months of a jam-packed busyness, I find myself with a LOT of spare time on my hands.

Now, with the quarter over I am no longer required to rush from work to school to church then back home to sleep it all off until having to do it again the next day.

[that was me]

In fact! I'm not really required to do anything....

And so a lot of my time has been spent staring at that ceiling or at the wall just in awe. This whole year, I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to make it. There were weeks when I just felt so tired and so misunderstood that I didn't think my body would be able to handle it.

But God sustained me and He continues to do so.

The only trouble is, trying to figure out what to do with myself. With all of this free time, what do I need to do? For myself? This whole year has been dedicated to school and to church and to work. I've been running around thinking and contemplating what can I do for everyone else. But, I was always hard pressed to put myself in to consideration. I guess I always reasoned that there would be enough time for me later.

But, later has come apparently.

With the cleaning done I'm freed up. Sure there is family and friends to visit, people to meet up with and the weekly hangouts that come about during the week. But, for instance, moments like right now, when I'm all alone in the house and NOT too tired to function, I'm jittery. I feel like I should be doing something, but I'm not and it's odd.

And yet, God is slowly helping me understand that this our time. His and mine to be together. To do things together. Things that I've been wanting to do.

My Father wants to hang out with me.

And that is so exciting.

This summer, no matter where I am. I just want to be able to enjoy things with Him and be reminded of the things that He has given to me to enjoy. I've realized lately that that's what He's been doing. [I have been such a sucker lately for subtle beauties in the world]

like a girl putting her trust in a trustworthy guy.

Like, the stories I grew up with.
The ones that remind me of what love is and that it was created by a Loving God.
[yes. even Harry Potter, which talks about the sacrifices for love]

Like the genius of paper flowers. [which I am mastering]

And the awesomeness of cupcake decorating [which i want to learn how to do]
That proves anything has the potential to be beautiful, if given the chance.

like the words of one of my favorite poets.
[Who I wrote my final paper on]
and reminded me that, contrary to what this world says:
Love does not have to be outlandish and extroverted.
Love can an expression that is intimate and subtle.

I just want to be in love with God again.

You know, in Bible study we've been talking a lot about the book of John and the miracles Jesus did. And, moreover, how He gave it all to God. How He didn't want glory for Himself but for the Father and I want to be like that. I want to make God important again. More important than anything else in this world and pull myself away from the crowds like Jesus did. Pull myself away and to a secluded place for just me and My Dad.

Well Gandhi....I'm working on it. =P

spinning into perspective

"i got into a car accident."

Saying it out loud feels shocking and so I can't really be surprised by the reactions I get when I say it, but still, I find it unfathomable.

but here the facts:

I was driving down the 57 south, on my way to go pick up Alanna and Eric and possibly EJ for Cassie and Garrett's Cabaret show. I had just merged from the 10 west and was about 1/2 mile away from Sunset Crossing when I realized the lady in my left lane was preparing to merge into me. I don't even think she saw me or saw the fact that she sandwiched me between her car and another, but she just kept going. She was going to hit me. And so my initial instinct was to pull away.

I swerved right and then realized there was another car there and then swerved left again in my lane only to find her still coming. So I broke (out of instinct) and then the car fishtailed.

I lost control of the wheel and just felt the car drift; turning within the lane to face the wrong way and it kept going.

I remember thinking, "Please just don't hit anything. Please just don't hit anything. Please everyone just get out of the way." And my overactive imagination was running 6 million miles a second picturing collisions and overturned cars etc. etc. Finally, it was over. When my head stopped spinning I found myself facing the Northbound 57 and cars coming up on my left.

A few cars went around me, but most stopped and waited while I got my bearings and pulled out. It was there at the side of the road that I began hyperventilating.

After that it was a blur of tears and conversations in broken English between me, my parents (who came to my rescue) and the Asian couple who's driver's door was smashed in. I was set to believe that it had all been my fault, that I must have hit them and would have to suffer the consequences of that, but...they said it wasn't me. They said it was someone else that hit them and drove off.

Honestly? I don't think I'll ever be sure.

It all happened so fast. All I do remember was that, I forgot to think about myself in the situation. Throughout the entire ordeal I just kept thinking, "Please everyone stop. Don't come any closer. It's not safe. It's not safe." I was afraid of someone not seeing me and crashing into me and getting hurt.

I never realized what could have happened to me until my dad pointed it out later. He said, "Aarika do you realize that the way your car was spinning you could have tipped over?"

Honestly? No. I didn't know that. I didn't think about it. But I dreamt about it that night. I dreamt about it and daydreamed about it and when I close my eyes I can still relive it.

When you look at it my car, you wouldn't think any of this happened to me. My jeep is beast that will not be killed. But it happened. And regardless of the nearly invisible outward injuries, I've still got a few internal ones. Cause I can't seem to forget them.

I still remember spinning and praying and not being able to breathe and telling everyone I was okay when I felt horrible inside. I still remember pushing everything aside and pretending I was fine and breaking down whenever anyone hugged me.

I still remember and I don't want to forget.

Because to forget it all would be to forget that God saved me. That God rescued me in my time of need and protected me. That, even after it, He reminded me of all the people in my life that care and worry about me. God reminded me of how He has blessed me with my family and church family and just a plethora of people who are willing and able to comfort me in times like this.

But God also showed me, that I'm not afraid of death or to die, because He's on the other side. Granted, that doesn't mean I WANT to die. But, at least I know that, if ever the time comes, I won't be fearful of it because to live is Christ and to die is gain.

And lastly, God showed me that I still have a lot of work to do. There are people here that I am meant to affect and work here that I meant to do for Him. And there are things that I want people to remember me by, so I better get to it.

"I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done."

Pslam 118:17

I see a generation

Friday night we sang the Hillsong United praise and worship song "Hosanna"and, though Ian has talked about being blessed by this before, I just reiterate that the stanzaa:

"I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, with selfless faith.

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees."

rings true for me. I see it. I see it.

I see it in EJ's leadership.

I see it in Kristine's hunger for the truth
In Lidia's joy and willingness to learn.

I see it in Eric and his music.
In Garrett and his compassion.

I see it in Derek and Aljay's comraderie
And Melissa and Kathleen's loyalty.

In the Hernandez sisters' generosity
And even Chelsea and her consistency.

Yes they all have struggles, they all have burdens, and they all have given me those moments when I feel like I want to shake them and pull my own hair out.

But I see it. I see God in them. And though they may have doubts and fears and issues of disbelief, God is never going to leave them, and if I can get anything across to them in the time that I have with them. It's that:

God will never leave you. And as long as He allows it, neither will I.

The past few weeks have been a struggle for the youth leaders. So much has changed in such a small amount of time that I can see the weariness and I've felt it too. =P

But Friday night, as we sang that song, God comforted me. Reminded me of how He is always working and proved it true with the youth's Surprise Appreciation Party.

To say I was surprised would be a complete and utter understatement. I was shocked and thrown off-guard. I was unsure of what to do other than thank them and praise God for his incomparable timing, because the timing was just a little too coincidental. Gotta love it though. Usually it's us that plan everything for the youth and surprise them randomly with cake and parties.

This time around it was all them and exceptionally successful.

[save for my epic fail as I hid in the other room during the big reveal. soooo not my fault that I thought it was a surprise party for alex..who's actual birthday is like...in june. hahahaha]

See: A cake and everything. You guys are such a blessing.

And I think this is the beginning of a revival. Why do I say that? Hah, well...why not? Why can't it happen right now?

The ball is in our court. So let's be decisive. What are we gonna do?

Resurrection Day

He is faithful.
I am not.

He is perfect.
I am not.

He is worthy.
I am not.

And,
He was punished.
I was not.

The first four books of the Gospel are four different accounts of Jesus and His unbelievable act of sacrifice. Four different views of Christ's love from four different people who had four different personalities. But, even though they are different, they all share one important story. Jesus Christ was perfect. He was a righteous and just man that followed the will of God because he loved God and He loved God enough to lay down His life for sinners like me and you. He was without flaw and yet He was punished in our place.

He took the fall for our sins and it is because of Him that we are SAVED.

thank you Lord for your sacrifice and for loving me enough to offer it.

Letting God write my love story...

i am a lover of words.

From books to lyrics to scripts to quotes, I find that, despite there being times when it feels like there are no words, saying that "there are no words" is enough.

Those are the words.
And therein lies my absolute favorite paradox.
=D

Anyway, moving on. Despite my love for words, I will admit that at times I can utterly loath the sight of them. It's what happens when you live the life that I live since after most nights this is me:yeah. real attractive right? But what can I say? Even an English Major has trouble keeping up with reading. And yet...I still find solace and comfort in reading.

I want to spend the rest of my life surrounded by books even though, at the present time, I loathe them. Hah. Another paradox. But this is how I imagine my life to be:

With my own personal library
Stacks and stacks of books
And I do mean Books EVERYWHERE.
(these stairs are so awesome)
Even in my bedroom
And in my bed. (HAHA)
So, despite my overwhelming reading list, I still love reading something new.
And I suspect I will always be that way.
God is so good for the love and passion He has given to me.
And one day, God-willing, my dream of contributing my words
to the words of the greats
will be fulfilled through His mercy.
This is what I think God is telling me:
And who am I to question Him?

Currently reading:
The Bible
"Seek ye out the book of the Lord, and read." Isaiah 34:16

The Beekeeper's Apprentice by Laurie R. King
"Eccentricty had flowered into madness."

The Eye of Jade by Diane Wei Liang
"With new freedom and opportunities
came new crimes. There would be much that
she could do."

Fearless by Max Lucado
"Fear corrodes our confidence in God"

When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy
"Being single is an opportunity to discover who God has made us to be and what He has called us to in this life"

Have A Little Faith by Mitch Albom
"It is more comforting to think God listened and said no, then to think that nobody's out there"

The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch
"I probably got more from that dream and not accomplishing it than I got from any of the ones that I did accomplish."

Gotta love it.