This year I get two birthdays. =]

When I turned 20, God gave contentment and confidence in the wake of my second year of college. I was at the beginning of a new ministry endeavor and feeling invincible with God on my side.

At 21 I was in Vegas, awkwardly maneuvering through my first round of drinks and blushing my way through ordering them. (Who comes up with some of these vulgar names huh?) But at the same time God also gave me perspective on what it means to be an adult and the responsibility of conduct that comes with it.

 

This time last year, at 22, I watched two of my dearest friends join together in holy matrimony. God gave me their example of a Christ-centered love and reminded me of what it is I'm praying for: the love of a husband who loves Christ more than he loves me.

This year, at 23, I'm in the Philippines, in my last stretch of my year abroad, contemplating  where to go after this and completely in awe of the gifts God has given year-round.

But at this moment, I know that God has truly given me rest in Him, which is something I have been sorely lacking in the last 22 years of my life. God has given me rest and serenity in His presence. He has also given me new ambition and a passionate love for the new and old people in my life. These are things that stagger me and I just can't believe the omnipotence of the Lord, sometimes.

The truth is I never really pictured myself reaching 23.

I think I've said this before, but I always thought the rapture would have happened by now and I would forever live in heaven at the ripe age of 16 or 17. Just imagine my surprise when on my 18th birthday I woke up and was still on Earth! Haha!

But, I'm 23. Six years older than I thought I would be in heaven and, now that I've reached this point, I can't help but praise God for His omniscience.

He apparently has a lot of plans for me before I go home to be with Him.

For instance, He planned for me to:

- Graduate college

- Leave home

- Live abroad

- Meet people who would change my life.

- Be changed  by a country and a people and a lifestyle that has always been a part of me.

- love Him more because of it.

And I can't wait to find out what else He's got planned.

"Happy Birthday"

I've had my share of parties,

party dresses, party hats,

party favors, party themes,

I've really had all that.

I've had potluck lunches,

Pizza outings, movie dates,

Even a trip to Vegas

With free drinks and buffet plates

I've had dinner with my girlfriends

and with guy friends alike,

I've had all you can eat sushi

as a tradition on my birth night

But more than that I've had instances

of God's unwavering grace,

His love that has always showered me

And helped me face all that I've faced.

This year was very different,

More tame, if anything.

I'm here without my parents

and my brother and sister to sing.

There is no five part harmony

to the birthday song for me

No church family mooching food,

or youth to remind me I'm 23

But I am continually blessed

by the differences here,

The new faces and new friendships

I've made throughout the year.

I may not be home right now

To celebrate my birth,

But "home" has evolved to encompass more

Than where my house is on Google Earth

God, you have been so good to me,

The present of this year

Has been more than I could have ever hoped.

Thank you for bringing me here.

August: Shaken, not stirred...

I'm not sure if I could really articulate how incredible and overwhelming this month was,

but...as a writer half the fun is in the attempt. =P

So, let's start at the beginning...

I won't lie and say that the month started on a high note, because it surely did not. Not only was I reeling from being left to my own devices with my Lola leaving in late July, but I was also suffering from intense feelings of loneliness and homesickness because of VBS. Missing VBS was incredibly devastating for me because it IS my favorite time of the year. But God comforted me with the reassurance that He didn't send me here to think about the things I was missing, but to experience the things that I couldn't get back home. And man, do I praise God for his unfailing love and omniscience because He has been revealing Himself ten-times over this month.

For instance, if I had been in California this month instead of Eastern Samar then I would have completely missed out on the wonder that is Patron (pah-troh-n [haha don't forget to roll your "r"]).

August brought with it the Maydolong "Dolong Festival" which celebrates Saint Rocque who was the first to bring religion to the town. Now, regardless of the fact that the majority of Maydolong now is not Catholic, any excuse to party is a good excuse.

For a good week and a half before there were events every evening (3 of which I sang in) and August 15 was presentation day when all the schools and organizations first marched in a parade throughout town and ended up in the plaza for submission presentation. Four schools in all of Maydolong put together a kind of field show to portray how Maydolong got it's name, ESSU being one of them. So, prior to, classes were pretty much cancelled due to all the preparation.

But man was it worth it:



you can check out all of the photos here

But let me just say, I've never seen so many colors. And the fact that so many of my students, friends, and family were in the Fiesta parade and presentation gave me a sense of pride that I think will always have no matter where I go in life. I tend to get attached pretty quickly so I really shouldn't be surprised how much love I have for the people that I have come to meet and know here in Maydolong.

But anyway moving on...August 15 and 16 was a day to wander from house to house for free food. I can safely say that I was full for the two days that followed (and I only went to one house) but it was more the companionship that I found solace in. Which brings me to another reason why August was so monumental:

You want to make friends, you fellowship with them.

Fiesta was a reason to fellowship with an array of different people outside of the formality of school and work. I got to meet and introduce myself officially to a lot of my cousins' friends and even hang out with CYF in a different type of setting. It was a good week and it continued to build upon that foundation well into the following week.

Dinner with CYF

Snack in Lolo's Nipa Hut

 

Compassion Family Day

One event that I have been super excited for since Kimberly, Joey, and I became independent from Lolo and Lola was their birthday weekend. Kimberly's birthday is August 24th and Joey's August 27th, which I found out on a random evening when we were watching television.

This year Kimberly's birthday was on a Friday and Joey's the following Monday so, early on, I suggested we go do something. I love celebrating birthdays and making a big deal out of them. It's what Ate Aarika does, but I had a lot to learn about birthday traditions here in the P.I.

For instance, the MAJOR difference between birthday celebrations here in the Philippines and celebrations in the States is who throws the party.

Here, if it's your birthday, you're the one to throw the party, prepare the food, pay for everything, etc. etc. and giving presents is just not done. The present is that people show up. This is why people don't usually celebrate their birthday because they don't have the money to fund something like that, so in the past the most either of them had done was maybe have a few friends over for snack.

When Joey and Kimberly explained this to me I was floored. "What?! But...it'syourbirthday. Everyone else should be giving things to you, not the other way around! Andwhywouldn't you celebrate? It's an important day!" Haha it was pretty funny, but I relented. I figured, even if they didn't feel comfortable in doing something I would do what I do best and give them everything I could.

Of course when the days came, they brought with them the reality of how much God has blessed Kimberly and Joey with really loving and good friends. Friends who want to celebrate them more than the two of them want to celebrate themselves.

It just goes to show how humbleness, sincerity, and generosity are rewarded by the Lord. God has revealed so many of His own attributes through the two of them and I am constantly in awe over how the Lord lives through them. I praise God so much for giving them each another year to just be these beacons of light.

yeah. Gotta love 'em.

So, for Kimberly's birthday many of her friends came to the house and they cooked noodles and rice, brought drinks and snacks, and we made a day of it eating the bakintol that Kimberly taught me to roll the night before.



Her friends are all her batch mates: Criminology students that have, apparently, been wanting to get to know me for a while.

After an initial awkwardness of not really knowing what to say to each other we eventually fell into a comfortable banter. They tried their best to speak English to me while I tried my best to use what Waray/Tagalog I knew. Haha who knew that years of listening in on conversations back home would serve me well here or that I was even paying that much attention, but I surprised myself with how much Tagalog I actually do know.



But anyway, the language barrier has become more endearing than detrimental and Kimberly has told me that her classmates think I'm very cute. Like a chipmunk (they didn't actually say "Like a chipmunk" but I like to add that part since it's my cheeks that seem to be cutesy to a lot of them).

Now, I know that one day didn't completely eliminate the anxiety I tend to give people inadvertently, but it was enough to ensure an enjoyable Tuesday when I returned to school and felt like I had a stronger support system through the difficult times.

For Joey there was more of a hulabaloo over because 1. He's in ESSU-Chorale so his friends are performers. 2. He shares a birthday with Kuya Raffy who is not shy about wanting to celebrate his birthday either. And 3. President Benny Aquino announced that we would commemorate National Heroes Day on Monday August 27th instead of it's actual day:
Sunday, August 26th. That meant no school, no work, party party party.

Haha, so Joey's birthday actually started at 4am Monday morning.

I got a text message from one of my students, who also happens to be a Chorale Member with Joey and Kimberly and I let them through the gate. One of the traditions that I have come to deeply appreciate here in Maydolong is the Serenading Tradition, usually done on someone's birthday. I remember when I first came to Maydolong in 2006 my family was serenaded outside of our house the morning after we arrived and for Lolo's birthday CYF also serenaded Lolo in the morning.

This was no different. The ESSU-Chorale came and proceeded to serenade Joey for his birthday while Kimberly and I cooked breakfast. Spaghetti is the only thing I know how to make (and the Philippines is well stocked in Filipino spaghetti ingredients) so that's what we made. I praise God for the foresight to cook more since the CYF showed up at about 5am to serenade Joey also.

There were a lot of people in the house that morning.









CYF then told us that they actually came over to cook for lunch since we were all supposed to go to the beach to celebrate for Kuya Raffy and Joey, but we sent them away and said to come back after everyone had left.

Once they had, I amused myself by taking pictures of the boys work in the kitchen.
In contrast to when Kimberly's friends came over and all the girls cooked the food, for Joey's birthday all the boys did the cooking. I am constantly amazed by the resourcefulness of Filipino teenagers in the Province. The way that they are taught from a very young age to keep house is unlike the US culture or even the culture of Filipino teenagers in Metro Manila. It's an initiative that I know US grown kids don't gain until past eighteen (sometimes never) and I am both fascinated and convicted by their example.




After all the preparation we loaded up a put-put and headed over to the beach for a day of music, eating, and lots of picture taking.





For that celebration, and all the photos from this weekend, you can check the photos here.

But anyway, it was a good day with a lot of food, a lot of laughs, and a LOT of pictures.

Talking it over with Joey, after everything was said and done, even he couldn't believe all of the blessings given by his friends. All the work, the food, the money that was donated for the work and the food, 21 proved to have a good start to it and for Kimberly 19, as well.
After the birthday celebrations things pretty much returned to normal. We went back to school and things began to settle down other than the fact that we have a Showcase Concert scheduled for Sept. 7 so the practices for that began in full swing.

Lots of evenings at church. Lots of dancing and singing. It's almost like being home, only I'm in the youth instead of directing. (Can't say I don't enjoy it)
But then of course the excitement couldn't be over. August had done so well to shake up my perspective of life here that it was only fitting that the world offer a physical representation of it.

August 31st, 2012 - Friday night, after choir practice Joey, Kimberly, and I came back home with Roselle Ann (another cousin) and Brent (a friend from church). We were just hanging out in the living room, watching Wil Time Big Time, and then the house began to shake.
Now...there have been quite a few earthquakes since I've been here. None that were strong, most were just aftershocks from neighboring countries, so we've made a habit of the Deer in the Headlights reaction when the house begins to shake. But as the shaking persisted and then the electricity flashed on and off the flight reaction took over and we bolted out of the house, Kimberly and I out the back door, Joey, Roselle, and Brent out the front.

The electricity gave out and we could feel the Earth shaking beneath our feet. We had nowhere to go. In my mind I kept thinking, "We really shouldn't be near this tree," but the quaking didn't feel big enough to have to duck for cover, it just felt like any other aftershock. The difference was the duration. It was long and frightening all the same and once over we shuffled into the house to make sure that everything was alright.

I don't think any of us knew how to react so...we just made jokes. "Well, I guess we're all sleeping in the living room."

The humor was short lived as a ruckus could be heard outside and our gate was thrust open. There was a lot of yelling in Waray, but what I could understand was what people were yelling about, "The sea! The sea!"

The earthquake had led to gigantic waves and it was enough to remind everyone that we are on an island and a big earthquake could lead to a tsunami. Again, no one knew how to react, especially us, a bunch of sarcastic teenager to twenty-somethings so what did we do?

Continue to make jokes.

A lot of the children were frightened, crying and praying, crying and praying and I suddenly remembered that people here have never felt earthquakes like that and are also not privy to California desensitization towards natural disasters. So, what did I do? I texted my family. I asked them to pray for us so that we would be protected and that people would stay calm.

That was of course before I realized the severity of the earthquake. Of COURSE my family would be the first to go online and see what the magnitude was. Even we didn't know that here in Maydolong, but 7.9 is enough to shake up the whole world. Honestly, it didn't feel like a 7.9, but we knew enough to stay on higher ground and open our house to our family and friends who needed to a place on higher ground also.

We made a night of it: Late night talks, pictures documenting our makeshift slumber party, as well as more joking, "Don't go into town! The town is empty!" (one of those 'you had to be there' moments.

Yes, we all did not sleep well and yes we were stuck in a brown out throughout the next day into the evening, but...I couldn't really complain. It was the climactic end to a very exciting month and only made me excited to see what the coming months had in store.

That and...in all honesty I love brown out nights. Nights when there is no electricity and so Joey, Kimberly, and I lay out together by candlelight, hugging the tile floor in order to stay cool. We talk, we joke, we listen to the sound of the "oh. another frog." haha (another inside joke) and we fall asleep like that, completely at peace with the world.

The Lord is so good. He provided so many amazing things within the month of August and my only prayer is that the coming months are just as full and eye-opening. I am in awe of His provision and I never want that feeling to go away.

Lord you are good and your mercy endureth forever.

Summer days

in thinking over the past month or so since school ended

I've realized that a LOT has happened.

1. I have gone through a plethora of novels,

some good, some sad, some enlightening

some that showed me that a writer can be anyone and everyone

and that is the reason why i do what i do.

2. i've finished directing another musical,

which taught me more about patience and discernment than the last two combined

3. i've spent a lot of time by myself and with my thoughts.

God has been asking me to re-evaluate myself in everything from:

my relationship with my family to my relationship with my church family

my career goals, my life goals, my ministry goals...

and let's just say I've had a lot on my mind.

4. i've been able to spend a lot of time with family.

Especially these last few weeks.

My cousin Jac flew in from Texas last Tuesday and we were all reunited!

I praise God for the opportunity to bond and form a relationship with my cousin.

For his provision of time off work and free time to spend with her and my family.

I praise Him for the ability to talk to her and relate to her

and the capacity to love her as more than just blood,

but as a person who is praying for her salvation.

Also, my family from New Jersey AND the Philippines flew in

and after a much loved outing to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

the entire Ormeo clan was present at the Alura home for a full day of fellowship, eating, swimming, screaming, and more eating.

5. And lastly, I've really got to spend some time with God,

praying and trying to figure out where to go from here.

Most importantly, God has been waiting for me to turn to Him and say,

"Lord, I don't know where I am. I need you to lead me and I need you to stop me from trying to be a backseat driver."

So that's what I've been trying to do. Be more honest, be a better listener, be a better servant, and be a better me. I've had a lot of things building within me for the past year and I think some well spent time in prayer has been needed. Lord, keep the good hits coming and the bad ones going, cause i do not want to end this summer having learned nothing.

Dear God,

You are so good, because I just vented to You on Monday, and already You've provided more peace than I could have ever asked for. Thank You so much for Your faithfulness.

-Aarika

My Birthday Weekend

"21"

A big year for most American youth, because it's the year we become "legal" and successfully break away from one of the last societal contingencies that shackle us to adolescence. Granted, there are many MANY people my age who fail to wait for this glorious year of adult hood before diving headfirst into the illegal act of underage drinking, but I am proud to say that I was not one of them.

I am proud to say that I waited until I was legal. And honestly? That made the experience so much more fulfilling and meaningful because I didn't give into temptation and God was so gracious in giving me a model family to set that example.

But, anyway, this past weekend was exciting for a number of reasons.

1. I was old enough to do more than just sit in the hotel room

2. I was going with my family in a huge brood and that's always fun when there is a lot of us.

3. I was old enough to play slot machines, though I did it only once or twice because I'm not too keen about chancing my money.

4. We were staying in Mandalay Bay.

and

5. I got to see and enjoy how much this right of passage into adult meant to my cousins, my aunts, my uncles, my grandparents, and my parents.

You see, for me, though I did enjoy this weekend, for my birthday I wasn't expecting much. I'm not much of a party-goer, the "party" scene isn't really my scene. But when the idea for this came up I went along with it, not because I didn't like the idea, but because my family loved the idea.

This was an opportunity for them to share in my graduation to adulthood. This was exciting for them and because of that the experience was all the more sweeter.

I laughed a lot. I learned a lot. And I had a lot of fun.

Now, with it over do I think it's something I would ever want to do again?

Uh... haha I wouldn't mind going back to Las Vegas, the city that never sleeps. The hotels were fun and there was a lot to see.

But I'm not too keen on alcoholic drinks. The few that I did have left me a little light-headed and the taste was not one I would be jumping to have again. And the casino games kind of scared me. I would have preferred to go to Circus Circus or Excalibur and blow my money on carnival games, but watching people play is fun.

So, overall, I think I've simply come to the conclusion that it's nice to have the option.

And I praise God because this is one more thing that He's saved me from being enslaved to. He kept me away from temptation, He kept me grounded with loving parents and a loving family that keeps me accountable to my actions. And He also continues to provide these things regardless of my age.

So again, it's great that I have the option. But it's even more amazing when I choose to opt out.

21 on the 21st

Last year I turned 20 and wrote a nifty little blog about growing older and "Standing on the promises of a Risen King" which continues to sustain in truth even as my 20th year comes to a close.

But, now I find myself at the beginning of a new year. My new year. That brings with it a plethora of strange and new realities.

And I'm not just talking the new legal realities, but the life realities. The ones that stand to root me more firmly into the ground as an adult.

::shivers::

Every time I think about it I get kind of wigged out.

I went back to read some of my old posts in regards to my birthday and they've all gone on about having a certain emotion.

16 = Impatience
"happy birthday to me
i'm sixteen yipee!
all i need is a permit
and i'll really be happy!!!"

17 = Awe
"turning seventeen...has inadvertantly turned everything around for me"

18 = Excitement
" it's not so hard anymore to picture myself as an adult, going off to college, graduate school, getting married, having kids. I can see it all happening.
And it looks so beautiful."

19 = Grateful
"I am proud that today is my birthday and extremely flattered that so many others are happy that it's my birthday too but, 1st Corinthians 1:31 says:
Therefore, as it is written: Let him who boasts boast in the Lord
So, the truth is, the glory HAS to go to God first, because it has nothing to do with me."

20 = Blessed
"I am truly blessed by a God who not only provides me my needs, but provides people to remind me of Him everyday. I see Christ in those around me and it makes my heart swell to know that I am not alone."

What emotion does 21 bring you ask?

Well, in the wake of reading, not just the last five birthday posts, but all the posts I could get my hands on, (going as far back as 8th grade)

I have realized that, this year, I am all of these emotions mixed together. I am slightly impatient to see what this year will bring, but in awe of God's power. I am excited for the life He is continuing in me, grateful that He saved me and truly blessed by His faithfulness to me ESPECIALLY in those bad years.

Looking back at the past 21 years I praise God because, even though I strayed from Him (a lot!), He never let me get too far away. And it's because of Him that I have reached this point in my life, where I am satisfied in His love, happy to be serving Him, and with a greater perspective on How lost I was and would still be without Him.

Thank you to all those who greeted me Happy Birthday. My only request is that you keep me accountable to my promise to God.

This year, I promise to give everything to God, because He gave everything for me.

-aarika

Ten things that make my day a little better:

10. insightful sayings from my favorite TV shows

9. when someone I just met still remembers my name after a few days

8. a full tank of gas

7. finishing a school assignment with time to spare

6. a good book quote

5. extra time to nap

4. well-timed text messages

3. when i remember the chords of a song

2. humming showtunes

1. when my dad says, "don't worry. I'll take care of it."

all of this is my medicine on really really REALLY stressful days like today

my family

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them.

Desmond Tutu

I'll never get over how little time it takes to change us individually
but more so,
how little it changes who we are together.

My dad is my hero.

I've talked about this before with richelle jean, my accountabili-buddy, that i think my dad and i are a lot closer than me and my mom.

and that's not to say that my mom and i don't get along, we just butt heads more than my dad and i do. And if I'm being honest, I've always been a bit of a Daddy's girl.


I tell my dad pretty much everything and in return he's very straightforward and honest with me...even when I seem to miss the point of it all.

Anyway, I just wanted to take this time to PTL for my dad.

Whenever I have a conversation with someone about God and trusting His timing, trusting that He's listening and that He'll never leave us, I always reference my dad because he strikes me as a shining example of a godly man who strives to be Christ-like.

A lot of teenagers and the youth come to me and will express their struggles with feeling like God isn't listening to them or how they pray and God just doesn't seem to come fast enough. But my response is always that God has His own timing and the reason why He would choose to delay anything He gives us is justly reasoned.

Maybe it isn't what we need.
Maybe it isn't what we need at the moment.
Maybe we need to ask in a better way (meaning without selfish intention).
Maybe what we're praying for just isn't good for us
Or maybe we need learn something first before we can be ready for it.

First and foremost God is a father. He is the perfect Father and, like any father, He knows us better and what we need better than we know ourselves.

I always reference my dad because it has happened a lot in the past with me. I've asked to go to a party or to hang out or for money or for anything really and it's never about my dad NOT wanting to give it to me or my dad NOT caring enough to give it to me. Honestly, my dad would give the world to me if he could, but...he knows what's right. He loves me to much that his priority isn't what I want, but what is safe, what is right, what is good for me.

And that's God is towards us. It's not about Him, not caring or not loving us enough. It's about Him loving us SO much that we need to just trust His judgement.

My dad has never steered me wrong. My dad has always looked out for my best interests and I am so blessed because I know there are many other dads out there who don't take their job very seriously.

But God blessed me with an amazing dad, and that just proves that I can trust Him as my Father.

So, I PTL for my Darling Daddy and I PTL for being such a Fantastic Father in giving him to me.

More about saving my own life...

The past few weeks have been full of me trying to fit in "catch up" time with everyone I can think of, since school hasn't started for me yet and I'm free as a bird until mid-September. But this past week I found everyone else busy and myself with no one to "catch up" with.

So what did I do? Rent movies from Redbox of course! And in God's all-knowing goodness He made sure there wouldn't be anyone to distract me from finding and watching this movie:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Story plot?

The film tells the story of Jake Taylor, a young man who has it all: a basketball scholarship, the ideal girlfriend, and the right friends. But faced with the demands of the in-crowd, Jake has written off his childhood best-friend, Roger. Isolated and mistreated, Roger finally takes his anger to the extreme when he shows up one day on campus with a gun.

Jake's last-ditch effort couldn't stop Roger. The events which follow start to change Jake's world forever. He begins to question everything. Most of all, he is unable to stop asking: "Could I have saved Roger?"

In his search for answers, Jake finds himself looking for the next Roger.

He reaches out to geeks, losers, and loners. However, crossing the strict high school caste lines threatens everything Jake values. It also pushes him to answer the most important question of all: What do I want my life to be about?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This movie completely blew me away.

I mean, I've always loved Samuel Goldwyn Films, (the people responsible for Fireproof. Facing the Giants, etc. ) but "To Save A Life" is definitely a movie that surpassed my expectations. It addressed a lot of the problems young people face these days from drug and alcohol abuse to premarital sex to teen suicide and hazing even fear of the future. And what impressed me even more is that it addressed one of the biggest problems in the church regarding youth: kids who come to church out of habit and tradition rather than because they truly believe.

There is one portion of the movie that really sticks out in my mind and is the basis of this blog.

Jake Taylor, the main character, brings his girlfriend to Bible study for the first time and she quickly leaves feeling as though a lot of the girls (who go to school with her) were looking at her and passing judgement on her. She felt uncomfortable and like an outcast causing for her to want to leave.

When Jake returns to the Bible study after unsuccessfully trying to get her to stay he comes in time for the Youth Pastor to ask everyone for a moment of silence to reflect on Roger (Jake's old friend) and his suicide. He talks about how Roger had come to their Bible study the week before and wonders if maybe they had really opened up their arms to him he might still believe.

It's then during the "moment of silence" that Jake realizes that most of the kids in the room are not really paying attention. They continue to whisper under their breaths about school and their "regular" lives and it just throws him, causing him to lash out in anger
saying to all of them:

"Why come here if you don't let this change you?!"

And that spoke straight to me. It was a powerful thought and a powerful question made even more so by the fact that Jake (at this particular moment in the movie) was a non-believer. Someone who was coming looking to be changed or for a change.

I mean, we've all experienced those moments when we get fed up with people who just make the same mistakes over and over again and don't do anything to do better next time. But how often do we realize when we're the ones doing it? When we're the ones that keep making the same mistake or the ones that can't seem to change our ways? Maybe we're the ones that don't want to change our ways?

What about those people who can feel like there is something missing in their lives and so they come to church looking to be changed. How do we compare? Should we really be any different? Should we ever stop striving to be changed and transformed by the Gospel?

Gah. I don't know. I've just been thinking about it a lot lately and the bottom line of "To Save A Life" has just been echoing in my head.

"What do I want my life to be about?"

God.

That's what I want my life to be about. I want my life to be dedicated to Him and I don't want to be idle anymore. I don't want to stop changing and growing.

That's my prayer for this year. And I praise God so much for reminding me of that.

VBS 2010

So the time has finally come... for VBS.

and for those who have no inclination as to what that is, it stands for

Vacation Bible School

mMm. feels so good to be dedicating a whole week entirely to the Lord.
Granted, we should always be striving to dedicate ALL of our time to the Lord, but sometimes we let time slip away from us and it's moments like this, when you truly schedule your life around your relationship with God, that it puts everything else into perspective.

The past two days have been JAMPACKED full of activities. And when I finally can stop myself from nodding off, I'll be able to expand more, but let me just share with you my favorite song from this year's VBS.

You know, a lot of people didn't like it after they first heard it because it has some yodeling. But once you get through, you realize that it is actually a REALLY great song.
CHECK IT!

TUMBLEWEED:

Don't be a tumbleweed
Going anywhere the wind may lead
plant your self deep
in the B.I.B.L.E.

God's word can set you free
From being like that tumbleweed
If you just take the time to learn your ABC's

You've got to A admit to God that you're a sinner
And repent
And turn away from your sin

You've got to B Believe that Jesus is the Son of God
And accept His gift of forgiveness
You've got to C confess your faith in Jesus
As your savior and Lord
Forevermore

And you won't ever be like a tumbleweed

Don't be a dried up
Fried up
Petrified.
Just let the love of God change you inside.
He's got a plan for you,
I guarantee

And it all begins with the ABC's

a little poetry on the side.

That Could Have Been Us

[What I've learned from Manila]

I saw a boy today,

who had no shoes.

The rain had begun to fall

and the mud began to rise up.

He walked through the streets--

with a metal rod as his scepter,

A broken piece from one of the broken buildings

That he claimed as his home.

He wore no shirt,
no shoes,

shorts that frayed at the seams,

and a smile, bigger and more genuine

than anyone would suspect.

The truth?

Most would have lost their smile long ago,

if they were forced to wade

through the circumstances of his.

But,

He knows of nothing else

than the life of which he leads.

In the squalor and the slums

Of a city where it's too hot,

too old,

and often times
too dangerous to tread alone.

He's never been to a place--

where the furniture is clean,

where it is warm and inviting,

sheltered from the rain.

He knows that such pleasures exist,

but exist in his world?

It's only a dream.

A dream that is my reality

While his reality would be my nightmare.

He wouldn't look at me and my life,

And muse that I could have been him

In another place,

another time,

If God had decided to write a different plan...

But as I looked at him,

Offering out his hand for spare change--

and leaping for joy at the 30 pesos
we pressed into his palm

I know, given the place,

given the time

given if God had written a different plan

He could have very well...

been me.

wow. there's a lot of oxygen...

Okay. It's been a while, but, I've finally made some time.

It has officially been a week since school let out and the first few days were spent cleaning and ridding myself of all of the things I was holding onto throughout the year. Clothes, textbooks, test papers, study guides. All of it had culminated over the course of nine months, but now, I am happy to report, that everything is either in the garbage or in a Balikbayan box postmarked for the Philippines.

It took three full days to sift through everything, but, as my sister said, "[My] closet doesn't look like Narnia's in there anymore." ;P

It was strange finding and coming across different bits of the year and even finding different bits of years LONG past. It was therapeutic and cleansing and strangely satisfying.

Like looking back for the first time after a run and seeing just how far you'd made it. Or checking your watch after a really hectic flood of customers and realizing that your shift is almost over.

It was gratifying.

But now that my cleaning is done...I find myself in a strange place.

Suddenly, after months and months of a jam-packed busyness, I find myself with a LOT of spare time on my hands.

Now, with the quarter over I am no longer required to rush from work to school to church then back home to sleep it all off until having to do it again the next day.

[that was me]

In fact! I'm not really required to do anything....

And so a lot of my time has been spent staring at that ceiling or at the wall just in awe. This whole year, I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to make it. There were weeks when I just felt so tired and so misunderstood that I didn't think my body would be able to handle it.

But God sustained me and He continues to do so.

The only trouble is, trying to figure out what to do with myself. With all of this free time, what do I need to do? For myself? This whole year has been dedicated to school and to church and to work. I've been running around thinking and contemplating what can I do for everyone else. But, I was always hard pressed to put myself in to consideration. I guess I always reasoned that there would be enough time for me later.

But, later has come apparently.

With the cleaning done I'm freed up. Sure there is family and friends to visit, people to meet up with and the weekly hangouts that come about during the week. But, for instance, moments like right now, when I'm all alone in the house and NOT too tired to function, I'm jittery. I feel like I should be doing something, but I'm not and it's odd.

And yet, God is slowly helping me understand that this our time. His and mine to be together. To do things together. Things that I've been wanting to do.

My Father wants to hang out with me.

And that is so exciting.

This summer, no matter where I am. I just want to be able to enjoy things with Him and be reminded of the things that He has given to me to enjoy. I've realized lately that that's what He's been doing. [I have been such a sucker lately for subtle beauties in the world]

like a girl putting her trust in a trustworthy guy.

Like, the stories I grew up with.
The ones that remind me of what love is and that it was created by a Loving God.
[yes. even Harry Potter, which talks about the sacrifices for love]

Like the genius of paper flowers. [which I am mastering]

And the awesomeness of cupcake decorating [which i want to learn how to do]
That proves anything has the potential to be beautiful, if given the chance.

like the words of one of my favorite poets.
[Who I wrote my final paper on]
and reminded me that, contrary to what this world says:
Love does not have to be outlandish and extroverted.
Love can an expression that is intimate and subtle.

I just want to be in love with God again.

You know, in Bible study we've been talking a lot about the book of John and the miracles Jesus did. And, moreover, how He gave it all to God. How He didn't want glory for Himself but for the Father and I want to be like that. I want to make God important again. More important than anything else in this world and pull myself away from the crowds like Jesus did. Pull myself away and to a secluded place for just me and My Dad.

Well Gandhi....I'm working on it. =P

spinning into perspective

"i got into a car accident."

Saying it out loud feels shocking and so I can't really be surprised by the reactions I get when I say it, but still, I find it unfathomable.

but here the facts:

I was driving down the 57 south, on my way to go pick up Alanna and Eric and possibly EJ for Cassie and Garrett's Cabaret show. I had just merged from the 10 west and was about 1/2 mile away from Sunset Crossing when I realized the lady in my left lane was preparing to merge into me. I don't even think she saw me or saw the fact that she sandwiched me between her car and another, but she just kept going. She was going to hit me. And so my initial instinct was to pull away.

I swerved right and then realized there was another car there and then swerved left again in my lane only to find her still coming. So I broke (out of instinct) and then the car fishtailed.

I lost control of the wheel and just felt the car drift; turning within the lane to face the wrong way and it kept going.

I remember thinking, "Please just don't hit anything. Please just don't hit anything. Please everyone just get out of the way." And my overactive imagination was running 6 million miles a second picturing collisions and overturned cars etc. etc. Finally, it was over. When my head stopped spinning I found myself facing the Northbound 57 and cars coming up on my left.

A few cars went around me, but most stopped and waited while I got my bearings and pulled out. It was there at the side of the road that I began hyperventilating.

After that it was a blur of tears and conversations in broken English between me, my parents (who came to my rescue) and the Asian couple who's driver's door was smashed in. I was set to believe that it had all been my fault, that I must have hit them and would have to suffer the consequences of that, but...they said it wasn't me. They said it was someone else that hit them and drove off.

Honestly? I don't think I'll ever be sure.

It all happened so fast. All I do remember was that, I forgot to think about myself in the situation. Throughout the entire ordeal I just kept thinking, "Please everyone stop. Don't come any closer. It's not safe. It's not safe." I was afraid of someone not seeing me and crashing into me and getting hurt.

I never realized what could have happened to me until my dad pointed it out later. He said, "Aarika do you realize that the way your car was spinning you could have tipped over?"

Honestly? No. I didn't know that. I didn't think about it. But I dreamt about it that night. I dreamt about it and daydreamed about it and when I close my eyes I can still relive it.

When you look at it my car, you wouldn't think any of this happened to me. My jeep is beast that will not be killed. But it happened. And regardless of the nearly invisible outward injuries, I've still got a few internal ones. Cause I can't seem to forget them.

I still remember spinning and praying and not being able to breathe and telling everyone I was okay when I felt horrible inside. I still remember pushing everything aside and pretending I was fine and breaking down whenever anyone hugged me.

I still remember and I don't want to forget.

Because to forget it all would be to forget that God saved me. That God rescued me in my time of need and protected me. That, even after it, He reminded me of all the people in my life that care and worry about me. God reminded me of how He has blessed me with my family and church family and just a plethora of people who are willing and able to comfort me in times like this.

But God also showed me, that I'm not afraid of death or to die, because He's on the other side. Granted, that doesn't mean I WANT to die. But, at least I know that, if ever the time comes, I won't be fearful of it because to live is Christ and to die is gain.

And lastly, God showed me that I still have a lot of work to do. There are people here that I am meant to affect and work here that I meant to do for Him. And there are things that I want people to remember me by, so I better get to it.

"I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done."

Pslam 118:17

Are you Mary or Martha today?

In the book of Luke there is the story of two sisters, Mary and Martha, who hosted a dinner where Jesus and His disciples attended. Martha, spent her time preparing the food, keeping the guests happy, and cleaning up after everyone. She did all this because Jesus was there, she wanted everything to be perfect for Him, she wanted to show her best to Him, wanted to be worthy of Him.

But she grew frustrated because her sister Mary was no help to her at all.

Mary stayed glued to Jesus' side, laying at His feet, tending to Jesus and only Jesus as she hung on His every word.

In the story, Martha became upset. I'm sure she felt cheated by her sister and felt like she was doing all the work. I wonder if she looked at Mary sitting by Jesus and thought,

"I would love to be there, listening to Jesus, but then who would bring out all of the food? Who would clean up the dishes? Who would refill the wine? Who would keep everything running smoothly? Surely the Jesus knows I want to be with Him, I just can't. If only Mary would help, then I wouldn't have do to it alone! Then maybe we could switch places from time to time...or finish early! But it still needs to get done! If I don't do it or she doesn't do it, who will?"

Maybe that's why she spoke out. Maybe that's why she asked Jesus to tell Mary to help her. But this is what Jesus said:

⁴¹"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things,
⁴²but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
Luke 10:41-42

Jesus told Martha that all the things she was worried about were unnecessary. Not to say they were unimportant or stupid, but unneeded. The only thing she needed to concern herself with was spending time with Him, building a relationship with Him, learning from Him, and that's why Mary had made the better choice. Jesus told Martha that because Mary had chosen Him, no one could take Him away from her and, likewise, no one could take her away from Him.

Jesus wanted the same for Martha. He wanted them to be close and to spend as much time as they could together because He loved her, and, though I'm sure He appreciated her efforts and her desire to make everything perfect for Him, He knew that He didn't need perfect. He just needed her.

I just keep going over what Jesus said in my head, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed." and I keep thinking about all those times where I've felt like Martha. Where I've stood knee deep in the flood of my schedules, deadlines, and responsibilities and said, "But if I don't get this done now, then it'll never get done!" or "If I don't do it, then no one will."

But Jesus said not to worry about that stuff. He said, all that other stuff is just EXTRA and that as long as you take care of what's important, which in this case is my relationship with Him...all that other stuff will fall into place.

All that other stuff will get taken care of, by the most reliable person I sometimes never ask for....

The truth for today?

If I don't get this done now, God will take care of it.

If I don't do it now, God will take care of it.

That is always the right answer.

I see a generation

Friday night we sang the Hillsong United praise and worship song "Hosanna"and, though Ian has talked about being blessed by this before, I just reiterate that the stanzaa:

"I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, with selfless faith.

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees."

rings true for me. I see it. I see it.

I see it in EJ's leadership.

I see it in Kristine's hunger for the truth
In Lidia's joy and willingness to learn.

I see it in Eric and his music.
In Garrett and his compassion.

I see it in Derek and Aljay's comraderie
And Melissa and Kathleen's loyalty.

In the Hernandez sisters' generosity
And even Chelsea and her consistency.

Yes they all have struggles, they all have burdens, and they all have given me those moments when I feel like I want to shake them and pull my own hair out.

But I see it. I see God in them. And though they may have doubts and fears and issues of disbelief, God is never going to leave them, and if I can get anything across to them in the time that I have with them. It's that:

God will never leave you. And as long as He allows it, neither will I.

The past few weeks have been a struggle for the youth leaders. So much has changed in such a small amount of time that I can see the weariness and I've felt it too. =P

But Friday night, as we sang that song, God comforted me. Reminded me of how He is always working and proved it true with the youth's Surprise Appreciation Party.

To say I was surprised would be a complete and utter understatement. I was shocked and thrown off-guard. I was unsure of what to do other than thank them and praise God for his incomparable timing, because the timing was just a little too coincidental. Gotta love it though. Usually it's us that plan everything for the youth and surprise them randomly with cake and parties.

This time around it was all them and exceptionally successful.

[save for my epic fail as I hid in the other room during the big reveal. soooo not my fault that I thought it was a surprise party for alex..who's actual birthday is like...in june. hahahaha]

See: A cake and everything. You guys are such a blessing.

And I think this is the beginning of a revival. Why do I say that? Hah, well...why not? Why can't it happen right now?

The ball is in our court. So let's be decisive. What are we gonna do?

took a vacation from myself.

So...
I've never been a big fan of cities.
When my friends would go on and on and on about LA and living in Hollywood, in all honesty, I would say, "No thank you, not for me. Too crowded and the only thing I like is the theater."
But San Diego...?
Well, I just might make an exception.

Just came back from a very relaxing vacation with the family.

Last year, the sibs and I did not have the same spring break, so our family was forced to surrender our family time to a later date since we could not all be together.

But this year all returned to normal and after months of having to simply pass each other by in the hallways of our Upland home we got the chance to venture out as ONE unit into the well-loved Gaslamp district of Downtown SD.

It has always been one of my favorite places, and the last time I went...I think I was a senior and was seriously considering going to UCSD because of it.

Obviously God had other plans for me, which I don't resent in anyway.

But going back reminded me of all I loved about San Diego and how I truly believe that one day...I will go back on a more "long-term" visit.

Somehow, I can't imagine it not being an important site of my life. It's just a vibe I get, but for now, I can wait.

For now, I know that my place is here. Where I am, with the people I love,
And the work that I know has to be done.

So until then, I can wait. But SD, I'm coming for you baby!

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."
Psalm 27:14

been ready to snap for days...

Sometimes it feels like I'm slipping.
"But I call to God, and the Lord saves me."
Psalms 55:16

Opportunity Comes A'Knockin'

I would be lying if I said I didn't have my reservations and fears about taking on more responsibility but...with the wrap up of the musical, I think this is God's way of giving me exactly what I was praying for. Relationships that were NOT rooted in obligation, but rather firm in concern and desire for accountability.

God continues to answer prayers.

But, goodness, it still baffles me when I think about how much time has passed. And I sometimes forget that I am no longer in a position to simply follow, but now must lead. Truthfully, following is always easier. Less stressful. But, when God calls, you answer, and when He tells you to lead, you lead.

Zechariah said this of his son John (the Baptist):

⁷⁶And you, my child,
will be called a prophet of the Most High;
for you will go on before the Lord
to prepare the way for him,
⁷⁷to give his people the knowledge of salvation
through the forgiveness of their sins,

We have been commissioned to reach out not just to those in nations across the globe, but to those who stand arms length away. In fact, when we reach out across the land, we're bound to touch upon those closest to us along the way right? This is just the beginning.

So despite my initial qualms about whether or not I was ready and if whether or not I was willing and able, I remembered that God has been calling me for a while and I have an opportunity to truly fulfill my mission statement, by serving those who I have a heart to serve, which allows me to serve the Lord.

This week I was reminded of this lesson:

¹⁵But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, ¹⁶keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.

Some things never change. Like...there will always those people who are more than willing to tear you down. There will always be some kind of worldy drama that will cause you to backslide. There will always be temptations and hardships that make you struggle in your relationship with Christ. And I learned that through my own discipleship with Ate Niña.

But what else did I learn?

Another thing that never changes is that God loves us. His mercy and His compassion are constantly there and whenever we stray away, God doesn't. THAT NEVER CHANGES.

My prayer request for now? Is to remember what it means to be in this kind of relationship. That this isn't a social event. Coming together is not done for social reasons. We have been given this opportunity to keep each other focused on the cross and to be reminded that God must be bigger than everything else. ESPECIALLY each other.

John 3:30: He must become greater, I must become less.

Haha, I will say this. PTL for Kristine and Lidia, because I'm oober excited too.