In a nutshell?

I've started teaching:

Effective Writing for 2nd year BS-ED majors & Study 

and Thinking Skills for 1st year BS-IT majors

I sing in church choir

...and usually whenever my cousins need an alto harmony

I've been bonding

with my family

with my students

with God

And I've been trying to figure out what else to say.

There seems to be so much and yet nothing comes out.

Hopefully, in the morning I'll be able to push through and articulate myself better.

But for the moment, that's all I got.

See you later! 

I Praise God for:

a number of things, starting with my very fun-filled trip to Maui, Hawaii.

There was lots of stuff to do and fun to be had,
but my favorite moments were the ones that came early in the morning
when I was able to sneak down to the shore
sit with my ipod and relish in the calm, sea breeze beauty of God's creation.


But I did miss home.

It was nice to get away, and to say that I don't miss it and still wish, at times, that I was still away...
it's nice to get back to work and know that God planned for the timing of that trip perfectly
and he also planned the perfect timing for the trip to end.

who am I to complain?
But, thank God for those beautiful peaceful mornings where it was just me and Him, because I really needed the time.

With the fear of potentially regretting it...

I have realized that one of my biggest fears these days, in the midst of my youth and my ever-constant changing mind, is actually changing my mind. I fear being spontaneous and becoming, in the oh-so-hilarious terms of CBS' "How I Met Your Mother",

the Blitz.

Now what is the Blitz you ask? Well, as I learned in the episode 10 of season 6 called "Blitzgiving", Blitz is the name given to an individual who leaves or looks away and almost immediately misses something COMPLETELY EPIC AND AMAZING only to return immediately after to a crowd of people oohing, ahhing, and what not.

*sigh* yeah. Exactly. I am afraid of changing my mind, not necessarily without thought, but quickly and impulsively (regardless of my qualms) and then regretting it later because I missed out on something great.

And yes I know that I will always be missing out on something no matter what decision I make, but picture this:

You're walking down a dirt road, it's deserted, it's hot, you've run out of water and you're in desperate need of shelter, so you're hoping you'll eventually happen upon a town.

You've been walking for a while, tired and hungry, extremely thirsty, but it's been hours. You don't know if you're going to be able to make it and you start thinking "What if I started going off in the wrong direction? Should I turn around? If that's what happened I must be really far..."

Then ahead you see a path that forks off to the left and debate on whether or not you should take it. You haven't seen any town coming up and maybe that road will lead you to it, but it also could just lead you in a completely different direction even farther away from town. It's a risk. You're unsure. You're delirious and scared. But at the last minute you decide to follow the road and veer off to the left.

What you don't realize is that if you had just stayed on the path and walked another mile, you would have happened upon a farm house with a really friendly family sitting down to a big feast for lunch. And now that you've veered off to the left, you're actually walking right past that family, deeper and deeper into the unknown with no civilization for miles.

And that's it. By the time you realize you have to turn back it's too late. You're 100 miles away, tired, hungry, maybe even out of gas, and it's getting dark. You're doomed.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Being doomed by a split second decision, done much like how a bandaid is ripped off, and then finding out later it was a stupid move. I should have just stuck to my guns and more importantly trusted my first gut instinct because the second choice was made when my head was nor my confidence was in the right place.

5 Things I'm looking forward to:

1. The Youth Musical

2. Vacation Bible School 2011

3. The wedding of Kuya Kurtz to Chikee

4. The return of Secret Life of the American Teenager

5. The High Schooler's Graduation.

I'm just buzzing with excitement!

cause sometimes, tumblr just doesn't "blog" right.

I find myself weary.

Exhausted by the racing of my mind
to the point where I have begun to veer in different directions.

Have I taken on too much?
Perhaps loaded myself more than I should have?
Well, I should think not,
only because there is very little difference
in my load from them and my load now.

Maybe it's all simply catching up to me?
That, at this moment in time,
I have become too tired to carry on
and my speed has reduced.

Reduced enough to leave me at the mercy
Of my failings?

Strange that it happen now,
In the days where I need to be at my best.
It's the final--push--
the final countdown--
the final lap...

But perhaps there is a reason for that.
Perhaps it is time to become even more serious.
There is no going back from here
therefore I've got to decide how I want to finish.

Strong.
Fighting.
With everything I've got.

Or slow.
Steady.
And nonchalant.

Hm. Doesn't seem like a hard decision...
until you're faced with the crossroad
and the easier way seems to be a road that moves for you.

Ten things that make my day a little better:

10. insightful sayings from my favorite TV shows

9. when someone I just met still remembers my name after a few days

8. a full tank of gas

7. finishing a school assignment with time to spare

6. a good book quote

5. extra time to nap

4. well-timed text messages

3. when i remember the chords of a song

2. humming showtunes

1. when my dad says, "don't worry. I'll take care of it."

all of this is my medicine on really really REALLY stressful days like today

watching as they tread the proverbial boards

So...it's come around again: my return to the theater.

=D

I can't lie...I really did miss the work. Despite the late hours and the fact that I've had to miss some pretty important events, I can't be too upset about it. God allowed me to sign up for this class year for a reason...and just like choir...coming back as a returner is different and more exhilarating.


This time around, I'm a "spot op" which basically means I maneuver the spotlight on characters and different things throughout the show.


It's harder than my last job...but, I like it. I think I would enjoy anything I would be asked to do (just short of acting) haha.

Praise God for new opportunities and also for old reminders of what's been pressing into my heart for a while now.

In the future, but stuck in the past.

So, my sleeping schedule has been a little ridiculous:

The earlier I sleep, the easier it is to sleep through the night.

The later I sleep....well...the earlier I wake up.

Gah! How fair is that?!?

Ah well. What can you do about it? I will say this though. Waking up earlier gets me some uninterrupted computer time with the internet all to myself. XD "nax! what a bonus!" So, let's do a quick recap on yesterday...or rather the today that happened yesterday, and when I am able to find the camera later, I'll add pictures.

But here's what to expect in my next post:
[these are not pictures I took, just ones i found. The ones i took will be posted, but they pretty much are summed by these ones.]

Our trip to Ocean Park

Where we encountered fish that eat dead skin for 120ph/20 minutes (or 10 minutes with purchase of Ocean Park Ticket

And also, an AMAZING and soothing Jellyfish display

Then our venture into the Mall of Asia

where we got a little something for one of my dearest cousins.

Then trekked to TriNoma
just end our day with the Ju-Ju Boy worn out and cranky.
Good day. Hopefully I'll have pictures up soon.

till later.

in lieu of my new discovery...

I am putting up a VLOG!
Yes. I thought it would be cool to put up a short vlog about where I'm staying and who I'm staying with.

God has been so good to me in this experience and since I can't seem to upload the pictures of my AMAZING discovery today, I figure I'll try again tomorrow and put up my Vlog instead. I pray that it will be the first of many and that the connection here won't be too slow that it'll be really difficult.

Hope you enjoy the randomness that ensues.

it was a learning experience.

"I can't expose a human weakness on the stage unless I know it through having it myself."
- Tennessee Williams -

The last few weeks have been oddly eye-opening.

And, as of late, I've come to find out a few things about myself that, aren't necessarily new, but...bigger than I thought them to be. More important, if you will.

So what's the next step?

Not sure. But, at this moment in time, I think I'm just going to ride it out as best I can and see where God's leading. Because, quiet honestly, I have no idea what's going on. Just that so far the ride has been enlightening, terrifying, and extremely fun.

Best combination there is, if you ask me.

i just need some clarity.

James 1:5-6
"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him."

Lately, my mind has been in shambles.

There are so many things that I've learned about myself within the last few weeks that I'm not sure where my head is at anymore. I've gotten inspired in a completely different way than what was expected and now it seems to have thrown all of my original plans onto the drawing board again. But is that wise? Is that safe?

the big question seems to be: Am I considering all of this for the right reasons? Or am I putting myself on a path that is more than a little rickety? More like, into the unknown?

I want to jump. But should I jump? And what are the repercussions that will follow if I do?

What are the repercussions that will follow if I don't?

Lord, I just want your guidance.
I want to do the right thing for the right reasons
And I want to trust that you'll take care of it all.

Please just, help me find You in all this.

lately i've been wanting to get up and...

dance.

make my own rainbows.
make something out of something.
read the books that made me love books.
travel the world.
and fall in love.
i just want to live and love the Lord.

Exodus 31:3

"And I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with skill, ability and knowledge in ALL kinds of crafts-"

I have been inspired this week, to do more than what I have been doing.
To create art--
in all sense of the word.

William Drake once wrote:

"I must create a system or be enslaved by another man's; I will not reason and compare: my business is to create."

And lately I've been thinking about that a lot. Thinking about how I don't want to be limited to just one form of expression. If this quarter has taught me anything, it's that I have a love and a appreciation for all forms of art: visual AND performing and all fields must be explored in some way or another.

all expression is healthy.
all expression is needed.
all expression is soothing.
and all expression is under-appreciated.

tonight, under the influence of many of the kids in the youth group + the added incentive of my family performing, I went to watch, for the first time, The Young Americans perform. Now, I've heard about this group for YEARS. It's a standard topic among the Rowland High School show choirs, but...man. Who knew the dream that I've been having for the past two years was already one that came true?

The Young Americans are doing EXACTLY what I hope to be doing one day. Using music to, not only raise awareness of it's healing power, but to make a difference in the lives of the youth of today. Furthermore, for me, I want to use it for God's glory. To spread the Gospel. To tell people about Jesus. And to unite more than just youth to youth, but Christian to Christian.

I think this is exactly what I needed to put things into perspective. To push me to push harder for what I know God is calling me to do. For the first time, after watching a show like this, I realized how much I wanted to be a part of something like this. To do something like this.

And no, I didn't have the urge to get up and perform. I wanted to lead and direct. I wanted to spearhead shows like this...because I think I can do it. God has been pointing me in this direction. I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it.

Yeah. I'm going to do it. CHECK IT OUT

-aarika

yup. that's what i meant:

So, this is my monday/wednesday schedule:

5am-8am:
Work
[yuck.]
9:20-10:30am:
Theater Arts 260
[i am officially in LOVE with this class]
10:40-11:50am:
English 301B
[poetry class]
11:50-1:10pm:
My Lunch Break.
[campus is expensive]
1:20-2:10pm:
Psych 115
[it's my "feelings" class]
2:40-3:50pm:
English 418

[fiction writing]
4:00-5:50pm
My Nap time
[my car needs to get more comfortable]

6:00-9:50pm
Art 123
[Art & technology]

And it is OFFICIALLY
a new quarter.Honestly? I've never been so stoked for school before.

The first day is ALWAYS the first impression and, for me, it's when I realize whether or not I'm going to be pulling my hair out by midterms or consistently excited to start my days.

Now, in starting ANY new school term, there are 3 Important Factors that I ALWAYS consider:
1. Interest in the Subject
If you go into a class with the mindset that you DON'T want to be there, you are totally and completely setting yourself up for failure. A class you don't want to be in will always stay that way, so you will be prone to bow out, either early or entirely, or you'll just be mad the whole time and not get anything done. Granted, there will always be those subjects that you can't avoid. Classes you HAVE to take for GE credit or as a prerequisite etc. etc. It's a part of college, but...that's why this next one is SO important:

2.Professor
If don't like your professor, you will NOT do well in the class. A disliked Professor is one that is easily tuned out and, though it can be their fault for being uncharismatic and boring, you've got to work with it. Partner an uninteresting subject with an uninteresting professor and you've got a high risk Fail in the making.

But a GREAT Professor can make even the most boring subjects bearable. I hated taking Biology, especially when I learned I had to take capstone class, I was ready to cry. But my teacher was awesome and she made everyday fun and easy to understand and she was prone to cutting class short. Therefore? I got an A. Perfect example. KNOW YOUR PROFESSORS.

and
3. Familiar Faces

Being alone in a class that you don't want to be in or in a class where you have a professor that you don't want to be with is extremely uncomfortable. That's why it pays to make friends in your classes, and in your department. This way, even if you suffer, you have someone to do it with. And when you need to study, you don't have to make awkward advances towards classmates you have never met. When you've got a partner you are set. ESPECIALLY for those taboo moments like: Group projects [bleh]

So, always try to find someone you know in class. If you don't, then obviously it's time to make a friend, because I promise, having a partner to sit next to and to study with makes midterms, finals, and quizzes a LOT more enjoyable.

Take for example my French 102 class:

I am NOT great with Foreign languages, and during French 101, I was blessed with a very forgiving Professor who liked me. Therefore, she helped me a lot. BUT I was concerned about when I went on to 102. What if this teacher didn't help me? And what if I failed! Thankfully, not only was Professor Wolfgang really nice, I was in the class with about 1/2 of my French 101 class. Having them all there, made it a lot easier to talk freely and without nerves. They weren't judging me because they knew what I was going through. They were my class friends and now, I see them outside of French in OTHER classes and we suffer through THOSE classes together now to.

So what's my rating of this quarter when considering my THREE very important factors?

Well,
I don't know who this baby is, but he's got the right idea.
HAHA

Two thumbs up.
This quarter rates high on the awesome scale.
Not only do I have an immense interest in all of my classes,
(especially my theater and english classes)
I also love each of my professors.
I don't get bad vibes and they know their stuff. Granted there may be one that will flip on me throughout the quarter, but I can roll with the punches.
And of course, in each of my classes, save for one, I have at least one buddy from last quarter.

In the words of Miley Cyrus
[who's new movie my sister is begging me to take her to]

"Mix it all together and you know you got..."
what?
HAHAHAHAHA
woot. As corny as it is...let's pray it stays that way.
=D

took a vacation from myself.

So...
I've never been a big fan of cities.
When my friends would go on and on and on about LA and living in Hollywood, in all honesty, I would say, "No thank you, not for me. Too crowded and the only thing I like is the theater."
But San Diego...?
Well, I just might make an exception.

Just came back from a very relaxing vacation with the family.

Last year, the sibs and I did not have the same spring break, so our family was forced to surrender our family time to a later date since we could not all be together.

But this year all returned to normal and after months of having to simply pass each other by in the hallways of our Upland home we got the chance to venture out as ONE unit into the well-loved Gaslamp district of Downtown SD.

It has always been one of my favorite places, and the last time I went...I think I was a senior and was seriously considering going to UCSD because of it.

Obviously God had other plans for me, which I don't resent in anyway.

But going back reminded me of all I loved about San Diego and how I truly believe that one day...I will go back on a more "long-term" visit.

Somehow, I can't imagine it not being an important site of my life. It's just a vibe I get, but for now, I can wait.

For now, I know that my place is here. Where I am, with the people I love,
And the work that I know has to be done.

So until then, I can wait. But SD, I'm coming for you baby!

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."
Psalm 27:14

"Just stand firm....

and watch the Lord rescue you."

Exodus 14:13

What Cures Monday Morning Blues?

Tuesdays.

So this is how it went --> Monday, 7:something in the morning she asked:

"what do you expect to do with that?"

A question thrown at me in regards to my major and my degree and the answer that I always give is this:

"Hopefully get published."

Then she threw this at me:

"That's it? You do know that only 10% of writers can live off of their work right?"

BAM. Slap in the face. A statistic. She hit me with a statistic. (ouch.) It was actually in the way she said it that unbalanced me. It was like she was saying, "You really expect to be that good? What are you retarded?" and it was in that moment that I faltered from my once steady pace into a "dragging-my-feet" kind of movement.

It hurt. It was unsettling and brought to surface all of the feelings of inadequacy that I've been successful in keeping to myself. I've always known how ridiculous I sound when I tell people all of the things I want to do with my life. People, honestly, look at me and raise their brow to my optimism before ultimately brushing me aside. I can see it in their faces. I know what they are all thinking. "If you think you can do it, go ahead and try."

See, that's not really a vote of confidence people, it's merely a nice way of saying, "You're most likely going to fail epically, but, hey, at least you tried, right?"

So from that moment in the morning I spiraled down into this seemingly never-ending hole of doubt over everything I've ever written or dreamed. And began to ask myself, "If this doesn't work out...what else is there?"

The truth: I don't think there is anything else. Anything else I would really want to do anyway. This has always been everything and at the root of it all, it's where everything I am stems from. So, in short, I had an intense case of writer's block because of all this doubt and was near-close to blindness.

blah.

But thankfully...Monday evening ended and so began Tuesday. Glorious Glorious Tuesday, making my way through French into English 318: Introduction to Fiction Writing.

Now, when I stepped into the class, her voice resonated within my heart, "You do know that only 10% of writers can live off of their work right?" And I felt my stomach drop as our workshop began. But after reading my piece,

(a rather riveting tale of my monotonous routine at work.)

My teacher smiled at me and nodded, "Very well written and with a lot of great stuff in there."

Okay, call me easily amused, but when a published Author compliments you, you take it. And suddenly the whole world seemed to be smiling again. No matter what she may have said, I know I'm a good writer and other people know I'm a good writer, so...why doubt it? The only one who is allowed to diminish my dreams and my aspirations is MYself. And she can keep her statistics.

hah. want to know what else I learned?

In my high school English classes were always taught that statistics can strengthen an argument, but now-a-days, especially in my line of work, a statistic, though they can sometimes get the point across, can also come off as dry. Impersonal. A generalization.

I learned that a character should never be a generalization and you have to add your own twist to them as people or else no one will read about them. No one wants to read about BORING people.

Therefore, I spit on that statistic. I refuse to be a generalization.

it's finally happened.

at first it was like this...Then this...and now it has finally come to this...
Dear God,
"my soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to you word."
Psalms 119:28

heavenly reminders.

today i watched Julie & Julia. An amazing movie that I saw with my family detailing the somewhat parallel stories of two real women who found joy and purpose in cooking.

Now while I am a huge fan of Amy Adams I have to say I was more interested in the Meryl Streep's character; the illustrious Julia Child because she was a woman who I found to be...admirable. Beyond admirable really.

Just an inspiring personality of empowerment and hope.

Why you may ask? Well it's simple.

Julia Child, a who started off as a government secretary and later a housewife, took the time that she had and desired to do something with her life that would make her happy. She wanted to pass the time and be happy while doing it so she learned to cook.

She learned to cook and loved it so much that she wrote a cookbook in order to tell the world of what she loved and to hopefully change it so that the world loved it too.

“Find something you're passionate about and keep tremendously interested in it.”

That's what Julia Child did and it was in the moments that I spent re-watching this movie today that I gained a somewhat refreshed perspective on life and my own ambitoins. Especially in the aspects of the movie that portrayed when it came to her book.

(pepping up his wife, Julia, as she is despondant over not being able to get her book published)
"Someone is going to publish your book. Someone is going to read your book and realize what you've done because your book is amazing. Your book is a work of genius. Your book is going to change the world."

- Paul Child, Julie & Julia

I can only hope for that vote of confidence when the time comes for me but...I was reminded of what I've always wanted and truly want in all the world. To be happy in what I'm doing. To spend my life doing what I love. To write. To breathe and bleed in ink and to spill words not only paper but into people's hearts.

Find something you're passionate about....and keep tremendously interested in it.

close encounters of the academic kind...

so the new quarter has started and I find myself with 3 on-campus classes, one lab on a different day than all of my other classes, and an online class. 17 units in all to add into the mix with my two jobs and crazy inability to say "no, sorry, I don't have time". In all honesty, looking back on my last post, I think I was more stressed with the idea of the impending quarter and the uncertainty of if I could deal with all of it. I was more inclined to believe that I was biting off WAY more than I could chew. But now, as I slowly inch forward day by day, it doesn't look so bad...and it could be worse. =P.

Anyway, to recap on my life thus far: I couldn't take 102 Japanese because I haven't taken 101 so I switched into a 101 French Class where my teacher is black with a british accent that disappears when she speaks french. She also likes to dance as she talks as a way to help us with our memorization.

I find the french accent and pronunciation hard because it requires you to lose some consonants while changing the sound of most of the vowels. WEIRD.

And to top it off, it's an 8am class. Hopefully that won't come back to bite me in the butt.

Anyway, then there is my Geology class with my motorcyle driving professor leatham who looks like Jeff Foxworthy (to the left) with Shawn Wallace's voice (to the right). It's really hard to concentrate with him because, not only do I keep thinking about what a weird mix of them he really is, he is also just WEIRD in general. In class today he totally ate chalk. He was trying to make a point...and I got it...but come on! CHALK? Haha.

And of course there is my subsequent Geology Lab with my very very VERY Canadian Professor Ross, I say that because he has got to have the thickest GENUINE Canadian accent I've ever heard, with "Eh?" And "aGAIN." It's so crazy...and I have weird flashbacks of Degrassi and Anne of Green Gables.

My online course is a MUS 180 class that's basically vocab and definitions submitted online as well as required attendance to 5 concerts this year. I really really REALLY want to go to the B.B. King Concert later in November, but it's expensive...I'll just have to pink up two extra shifts to pay for it. mMm good. I can feel the exhaustion now. =D

Finally there is my Creative Writing Class, the focus being poetry. My teacher is nice, as are my classmates, but I have to say it is truly an experiecne not being the only one in my major. It's downright foreign if you ask me. Why? Well, because for the first time, I'm not alone, and...I'm not that special now. Haha, i know, it soudns kind of petty, but you have to understand, I've always been the only one that's been a creative writing major with the goal of being a writer. There has always only ever been me, and now I'm in a class of 23 where more than 50% is the same. It'll take some getting used to...and I think once I prove not just to them but to myself that we actually are not the same, I'm distinct and different, then I'll be able to get ouf of this writing funk.

And that is my school career as of now. We'll see how it progresses over the next ten weeks.

Until next time
-later days