August: Shaken, not stirred...

I'm not sure if I could really articulate how incredible and overwhelming this month was,

but...as a writer half the fun is in the attempt. =P

So, let's start at the beginning...

I won't lie and say that the month started on a high note, because it surely did not. Not only was I reeling from being left to my own devices with my Lola leaving in late July, but I was also suffering from intense feelings of loneliness and homesickness because of VBS. Missing VBS was incredibly devastating for me because it IS my favorite time of the year. But God comforted me with the reassurance that He didn't send me here to think about the things I was missing, but to experience the things that I couldn't get back home. And man, do I praise God for his unfailing love and omniscience because He has been revealing Himself ten-times over this month.

For instance, if I had been in California this month instead of Eastern Samar then I would have completely missed out on the wonder that is Patron (pah-troh-n [haha don't forget to roll your "r"]).

August brought with it the Maydolong "Dolong Festival" which celebrates Saint Rocque who was the first to bring religion to the town. Now, regardless of the fact that the majority of Maydolong now is not Catholic, any excuse to party is a good excuse.

For a good week and a half before there were events every evening (3 of which I sang in) and August 15 was presentation day when all the schools and organizations first marched in a parade throughout town and ended up in the plaza for submission presentation. Four schools in all of Maydolong put together a kind of field show to portray how Maydolong got it's name, ESSU being one of them. So, prior to, classes were pretty much cancelled due to all the preparation.

But man was it worth it:



you can check out all of the photos here

But let me just say, I've never seen so many colors. And the fact that so many of my students, friends, and family were in the Fiesta parade and presentation gave me a sense of pride that I think will always have no matter where I go in life. I tend to get attached pretty quickly so I really shouldn't be surprised how much love I have for the people that I have come to meet and know here in Maydolong.

But anyway moving on...August 15 and 16 was a day to wander from house to house for free food. I can safely say that I was full for the two days that followed (and I only went to one house) but it was more the companionship that I found solace in. Which brings me to another reason why August was so monumental:

You want to make friends, you fellowship with them.

Fiesta was a reason to fellowship with an array of different people outside of the formality of school and work. I got to meet and introduce myself officially to a lot of my cousins' friends and even hang out with CYF in a different type of setting. It was a good week and it continued to build upon that foundation well into the following week.

Dinner with CYF

Snack in Lolo's Nipa Hut

 

Compassion Family Day

One event that I have been super excited for since Kimberly, Joey, and I became independent from Lolo and Lola was their birthday weekend. Kimberly's birthday is August 24th and Joey's August 27th, which I found out on a random evening when we were watching television.

This year Kimberly's birthday was on a Friday and Joey's the following Monday so, early on, I suggested we go do something. I love celebrating birthdays and making a big deal out of them. It's what Ate Aarika does, but I had a lot to learn about birthday traditions here in the P.I.

For instance, the MAJOR difference between birthday celebrations here in the Philippines and celebrations in the States is who throws the party.

Here, if it's your birthday, you're the one to throw the party, prepare the food, pay for everything, etc. etc. and giving presents is just not done. The present is that people show up. This is why people don't usually celebrate their birthday because they don't have the money to fund something like that, so in the past the most either of them had done was maybe have a few friends over for snack.

When Joey and Kimberly explained this to me I was floored. "What?! But...it'syourbirthday. Everyone else should be giving things to you, not the other way around! Andwhywouldn't you celebrate? It's an important day!" Haha it was pretty funny, but I relented. I figured, even if they didn't feel comfortable in doing something I would do what I do best and give them everything I could.

Of course when the days came, they brought with them the reality of how much God has blessed Kimberly and Joey with really loving and good friends. Friends who want to celebrate them more than the two of them want to celebrate themselves.

It just goes to show how humbleness, sincerity, and generosity are rewarded by the Lord. God has revealed so many of His own attributes through the two of them and I am constantly in awe over how the Lord lives through them. I praise God so much for giving them each another year to just be these beacons of light.

yeah. Gotta love 'em.

So, for Kimberly's birthday many of her friends came to the house and they cooked noodles and rice, brought drinks and snacks, and we made a day of it eating the bakintol that Kimberly taught me to roll the night before.



Her friends are all her batch mates: Criminology students that have, apparently, been wanting to get to know me for a while.

After an initial awkwardness of not really knowing what to say to each other we eventually fell into a comfortable banter. They tried their best to speak English to me while I tried my best to use what Waray/Tagalog I knew. Haha who knew that years of listening in on conversations back home would serve me well here or that I was even paying that much attention, but I surprised myself with how much Tagalog I actually do know.



But anyway, the language barrier has become more endearing than detrimental and Kimberly has told me that her classmates think I'm very cute. Like a chipmunk (they didn't actually say "Like a chipmunk" but I like to add that part since it's my cheeks that seem to be cutesy to a lot of them).

Now, I know that one day didn't completely eliminate the anxiety I tend to give people inadvertently, but it was enough to ensure an enjoyable Tuesday when I returned to school and felt like I had a stronger support system through the difficult times.

For Joey there was more of a hulabaloo over because 1. He's in ESSU-Chorale so his friends are performers. 2. He shares a birthday with Kuya Raffy who is not shy about wanting to celebrate his birthday either. And 3. President Benny Aquino announced that we would commemorate National Heroes Day on Monday August 27th instead of it's actual day:
Sunday, August 26th. That meant no school, no work, party party party.

Haha, so Joey's birthday actually started at 4am Monday morning.

I got a text message from one of my students, who also happens to be a Chorale Member with Joey and Kimberly and I let them through the gate. One of the traditions that I have come to deeply appreciate here in Maydolong is the Serenading Tradition, usually done on someone's birthday. I remember when I first came to Maydolong in 2006 my family was serenaded outside of our house the morning after we arrived and for Lolo's birthday CYF also serenaded Lolo in the morning.

This was no different. The ESSU-Chorale came and proceeded to serenade Joey for his birthday while Kimberly and I cooked breakfast. Spaghetti is the only thing I know how to make (and the Philippines is well stocked in Filipino spaghetti ingredients) so that's what we made. I praise God for the foresight to cook more since the CYF showed up at about 5am to serenade Joey also.

There were a lot of people in the house that morning.









CYF then told us that they actually came over to cook for lunch since we were all supposed to go to the beach to celebrate for Kuya Raffy and Joey, but we sent them away and said to come back after everyone had left.

Once they had, I amused myself by taking pictures of the boys work in the kitchen.
In contrast to when Kimberly's friends came over and all the girls cooked the food, for Joey's birthday all the boys did the cooking. I am constantly amazed by the resourcefulness of Filipino teenagers in the Province. The way that they are taught from a very young age to keep house is unlike the US culture or even the culture of Filipino teenagers in Metro Manila. It's an initiative that I know US grown kids don't gain until past eighteen (sometimes never) and I am both fascinated and convicted by their example.




After all the preparation we loaded up a put-put and headed over to the beach for a day of music, eating, and lots of picture taking.





For that celebration, and all the photos from this weekend, you can check the photos here.

But anyway, it was a good day with a lot of food, a lot of laughs, and a LOT of pictures.

Talking it over with Joey, after everything was said and done, even he couldn't believe all of the blessings given by his friends. All the work, the food, the money that was donated for the work and the food, 21 proved to have a good start to it and for Kimberly 19, as well.
After the birthday celebrations things pretty much returned to normal. We went back to school and things began to settle down other than the fact that we have a Showcase Concert scheduled for Sept. 7 so the practices for that began in full swing.

Lots of evenings at church. Lots of dancing and singing. It's almost like being home, only I'm in the youth instead of directing. (Can't say I don't enjoy it)
But then of course the excitement couldn't be over. August had done so well to shake up my perspective of life here that it was only fitting that the world offer a physical representation of it.

August 31st, 2012 - Friday night, after choir practice Joey, Kimberly, and I came back home with Roselle Ann (another cousin) and Brent (a friend from church). We were just hanging out in the living room, watching Wil Time Big Time, and then the house began to shake.
Now...there have been quite a few earthquakes since I've been here. None that were strong, most were just aftershocks from neighboring countries, so we've made a habit of the Deer in the Headlights reaction when the house begins to shake. But as the shaking persisted and then the electricity flashed on and off the flight reaction took over and we bolted out of the house, Kimberly and I out the back door, Joey, Roselle, and Brent out the front.

The electricity gave out and we could feel the Earth shaking beneath our feet. We had nowhere to go. In my mind I kept thinking, "We really shouldn't be near this tree," but the quaking didn't feel big enough to have to duck for cover, it just felt like any other aftershock. The difference was the duration. It was long and frightening all the same and once over we shuffled into the house to make sure that everything was alright.

I don't think any of us knew how to react so...we just made jokes. "Well, I guess we're all sleeping in the living room."

The humor was short lived as a ruckus could be heard outside and our gate was thrust open. There was a lot of yelling in Waray, but what I could understand was what people were yelling about, "The sea! The sea!"

The earthquake had led to gigantic waves and it was enough to remind everyone that we are on an island and a big earthquake could lead to a tsunami. Again, no one knew how to react, especially us, a bunch of sarcastic teenager to twenty-somethings so what did we do?

Continue to make jokes.

A lot of the children were frightened, crying and praying, crying and praying and I suddenly remembered that people here have never felt earthquakes like that and are also not privy to California desensitization towards natural disasters. So, what did I do? I texted my family. I asked them to pray for us so that we would be protected and that people would stay calm.

That was of course before I realized the severity of the earthquake. Of COURSE my family would be the first to go online and see what the magnitude was. Even we didn't know that here in Maydolong, but 7.9 is enough to shake up the whole world. Honestly, it didn't feel like a 7.9, but we knew enough to stay on higher ground and open our house to our family and friends who needed to a place on higher ground also.

We made a night of it: Late night talks, pictures documenting our makeshift slumber party, as well as more joking, "Don't go into town! The town is empty!" (one of those 'you had to be there' moments.

Yes, we all did not sleep well and yes we were stuck in a brown out throughout the next day into the evening, but...I couldn't really complain. It was the climactic end to a very exciting month and only made me excited to see what the coming months had in store.

That and...in all honesty I love brown out nights. Nights when there is no electricity and so Joey, Kimberly, and I lay out together by candlelight, hugging the tile floor in order to stay cool. We talk, we joke, we listen to the sound of the "oh. another frog." haha (another inside joke) and we fall asleep like that, completely at peace with the world.

The Lord is so good. He provided so many amazing things within the month of August and my only prayer is that the coming months are just as full and eye-opening. I am in awe of His provision and I never want that feeling to go away.

Lord you are good and your mercy endureth forever.

Eastern Samar State University

Don't ask me why ESSU is called Eastern Samar "State" University when clearly the Philippines is not divided into "states" but eh. They shall do what they shall do. 

Anyway, if you've been following my scattered thoughts and journal entry-blogs you'll know that the High School English Teacher position that I had originally secured fell through upon my arrival in the P.I. Which led to about two and a half weeks of what I like to call the "limbo state" until finally one of my relatives heard my sad sob story and spoke on my behalf to the local University: ESSU-Maydolong. The main campus is in Borongan, but ESSU-Maydolong is a branch located less than three miles from my house. Also, it happens to be the school that my cousins go to so...it was an obvious choice seeing as Joey, Kimberly and I could go to school together and I wouldn't feel so...alone. =] Add into the mix that a lot of my new friends from CYF are upperclassmen as well and I was pretty much set to be eased into my new life.

 

So, in comparison to ESSU-Main, which looks like a Cal State School, ESSU-Maydolong is a relatively small campus with a population of maybe 1,000 students. It was a high school the last time I was here, but since I've been away it changed from an Agricultural High School to a University offering degrees like: BE-ED: Elementary Education, BS-ED: Secondary Education, BS-IT: Information Technology, and BS-Criminology.

It's a relatively "simple" school, much like everything here in Eastern Samar. I first came to visit with Kimberly during her registration where she and many other students had to sit for close to half an hour filling out eight class schedules by hand, which were already assigned to all third year students (they don't pick their classes), to be distributed to different administrators on campus.

Back home we're so spoiled with all of our computer systems and everything is automated, as well as the vast array of classes to choose from. Students at ESSU don't choose, they are given the classes required to graduate, which...makes me wonder who has the better system seeing as most of the DO graduate in four years. (Save for the few who can't afford school, get married, or get pregnant and can't finish.)

 

 It's a nice change from the massiveness of a Cal State school. It almost feels like a private school and holds it's own quaint charm. For instance, every Friday, there are no "classes" but all students are required to come to campus for "classwork". Now, when I first heard this I thought Joey and Kimberly had to go to school to do homework stuff, but...no. It's Compulsory work. They go to campus to clean the campus. Sweep up the leaves, clean their classrooms, etc. etc. Granted, it's not all work, once they are done most students stay on campus with their friends, but if you don't go, it's a fifty peso fine.

Which reminds me...

The trees are mango trees, so towards the end of the school year there are a lot of mangoes to go around, though the students are discouraged from picking them off the tree (it's also a fifty peso fine). And the machine that keeps the grass trim and tended to? Carabao and goats.

Moreover, during actual classes in the week, the students don't actually move around from classroom to classroom, the teachers do. So, unlike a Cal State campus where you sometimes get stuck in a class with people from other majors that you don't know, all of my students spend all day together in the same classroom with their batch. They even have class officers and daily sweepers.

Imagine my surprise, the first day, when I said, "Alright, you're dismissed," only to be told, "Ma'am we stay here, in this classroom." I laughed it off, completely baffled and replied, "Oh, then I guess...I'm dismissed..." Yeah. A real comedian I am, though to be fair I was battling about five hundred butterflies in my stomach.

Which brings me to my students. I teach English courses: Effective Writing for BS-ED Second Year and Study and Thinking Skills for BS-IT First Year. Most of my students are around my age or...around the age of the CFBC Youth, so they are easy to get along, in addition to the fact that they are bred to be respectable and hospitable, but I won't deny that we were and...still are...a little more than fascinated with each other.

Recently, I spent some time with a few of my BS-ED students outside of class and learned that when I first walked in they all thought I was one of them. They all assumed that I would take a seat beside them and silently wait for the teacher. They watched me in complete surprise head over to the podium and proceed to nervously meander through all of the things in my bag. I was their teacher. I was the "Ma'am".

Currently I'm writing a narrative of that first experience, but I praise God for my 2nd year class. They are very different than my 1st years and remind me of home. They remind me of CFBC and the youth.

 

(I'm missing maybe ten of them in this picture, but overall they are an incredibly welcoming class.)

My 1st years are a little different. They can be successfully separated into two groups: the more vocal and more reserved. I have a lot of male students are very quick to compliment. The fact that I am twenty-two and a US citizen adds to my appeal of course, but they all listen during lecture and all participate to the best of their abilities.

I think the difficulty with this class is that, I wasn't their teacher on the first day of classes. I spent Monday, June 4 on a van to Borongan to meet with the President of the ESSU schools and get proper clearance to be taken on as a teacher. I came to them on Wednesday after they had already Ma'am Gemma and, because I hadn't been given their syllabus yet, we were a standstill haha. Every day it gets better, though sometimes I feel like there is only so much i can tell them. I learn more and more from their writing, as well as who does and doesn't do the work, but....even if they underestimate me now, they won't underestimate me once the semester ends. I remember who leaves class and who doesn't come back. I remember who pushes off the work to someone else. I know. I may be young, but I'm not stupid. Haha.

Overall, teaching is one of those experiences where you go into it with a game plan, just to throw it out the window. And yet, I do enjoy it thoroughly. There is something to be said about being this kind of observer. I don't think they realize how much I learn from them and how...it's, hopefully, just as much as they learn from me.

ESSU-Maydolong has never had a volunteer teacher before. So, I think it's safe to bet that this will be something my students remember. I can only hope that they'll remember more than the novelty of a teacher that was younger than them, or a teacher that was from California. I hope that they remember me and everything I tell them about writing and reading and understanding the English language. I pray that God uses me to do more than just lecture. I want to teach. That's why I'm here. So, let's hope and pray that I do God proud and make a lasting impression. =]

I'll hopefully be able to blog more within the next few days. In addition to introducing my new cousins and friends, there are a lot of school events and town events that I'm looking forward to writing on. For instance: The ESSU-Maydolong Founder's Day Anniversary and the impending Intramurals. We don't have stuff like this back home...but man...it should have a come back. Haha

Until next time.

-Aarika

Market Days

Here in Maydolong there are little store fronts where people can buy necessities for the house and for meals and things. But Borongan is where we do the bulk of our major shopping. It's the closest "city" to Maydolong and therefore holds the more industrial things such as the bank, the hospital, the LBC, Western Union, and Uptown Mall, which is more of a grocery story. We go maybe once a week, maybe twice if necessary, but Borongan is about a half hour away by multicab and it can be an exhausting trip. It's like Costco, you only go there to buy in bulk so that you don't have to spend money to go back the next day.

Still, in the rare moments when we all go together, like this past Saturday when my Lolo decided he wanted us to go shopping and then have lunch together at one of the restaurants whose waiting staff are friends of his. It's nice to spend some time with my cousins and get to watch them in action.

On Saturday, as my grandparents went to Uptown Mall to do the grocery shopping, I stuck with Joey and Kimberly to go to the market to pick up our produce for the next week. I've been here before, with Kimberly and Lola, but it was nice to get a glimpse into what it will most likely be like when it's just the three of us left together. AND I forgot to take pictures last time, so I came prepared.

The market in Borongan is basically an outdoor market, with tiled tables with sinks where people bring in their catch of the day and proceed to try and sell what they can.

In Eastern Samar fish is the main source of protein so there are stands and stands full of an array of different fish. Everything from salmon to bangus, it's all here and it's mostly what people eat.

Nothing like fresh fish that they cut up for you right on the spot and much cheaper than back home where you know that the fish isn't exactly that "freshly caught".

 Lining the sides of the fish vendors are all the produce stands. Green onions, eggplants, onions, potatoes, cabbage, carrots. Strangely, I can never find lettuce...hmmm...but there are always things like calamansi that you are hard pressed to find back home.

and everything looks so SMALL in comparison to the produce back home, which makes me seriously wonder how much of our produce is pumped with steroids haha. The only things that seem to be the "appropriate" size is the garlic, but everything else is like two sizes smaller than their US counterpart.

And then, of course, hanging above the produce are all the "condiments" haha this is our condiments aisle. Bags of oil, soy sauce, mayo, salt and pepper, as well as bread crumbs for fried chicken and the different spices to add to rice, noodles, and what not. It always fascinates me when we go through the market. And yes, I tend to bring attention to myself as a tourist when I bust out the Sony Cybershot, because it's not exactly a subtle looking camera, but I hardly care. It's all stuff that no one would really understand unless I show it to them.

Overall, I enjoy Market days. They never cease to remind me how extremely different life is here, but at the same time how life still goes on. =]

-till next time

"Let's keep it simple," He says.

I have never, in my entire life, been a quiet person.

You can ask anyone. 

I have always been loud, outspoken, long-winded, 

a girl prone to giving too much information. 

I lack the ability to enjoy silence and the skill to sit amidst it without putting my foot in my mouth or making myself look completely ridiculous.

That's always been me. That's always been who I am.

But what often happens, when you make drastic life changes, 

is you get the chance to reinvent yourself 

and see who you become when you are no longer in the comfort zone.

Here, I am rather shy. Haha I know. Shocker.

I am shy and quiet and a regular homebody.

Part of it is because I'm submerged in a culture 

with a language I don't understand a majority of the time 

and therefore I can't really contribute to the conversations much anyway.

And the other part of it is...I'm rather enjoying the silence now.

For years I've been all about telling stories. 

Telling stories to everyone and anyone about everything and anything.

But I've been musing a lot on the ideas God must have had in sending me here.

Me, the most talkative person in the world,

to a place where I can't really talk that much.

Obviously, there's something I've got to hear.

So, 

I think this year is all about listening. 

To my students, to my grandparents, to my family.

Listening to the story God is trying to tell me through all of them.

Listening to the lessons God is trying to give me through the silence.

One thing that comes with that is the call for simplicity. 

Sometimes, too many words complicate things.

And in a place as simply beautiful as Maydolong?

Complicating things is an injustice to it.

In class, I have to be explicit when I explain things. 

I can no longer rely on the implications because my students don't know them.

My references differ from theirs. So I need to simplify.

Not dumb down. They aren't lacking in intelligence.

No, they deserve more than that

And so, they force me to be creative. It's easier for me to adapt to them

than ask all of them to change for me.

Therefore, it's about listening. Listening to how they speak and the jokes they make. Listening to the questions they have and opening myself up to hear them.

In the classroom God has whispered,"Let's keep it simple,"

And I intend to do just that.

In a nutshell?

I've started teaching:

Effective Writing for 2nd year BS-ED majors & Study 

and Thinking Skills for 1st year BS-IT majors

I sing in church choir

...and usually whenever my cousins need an alto harmony

I've been bonding

with my family

with my students

with God

And I've been trying to figure out what else to say.

There seems to be so much and yet nothing comes out.

Hopefully, in the morning I'll be able to push through and articulate myself better.

But for the moment, that's all I got.

See you later! 

My dad is my hero.

I've talked about this before with richelle jean, my accountabili-buddy, that i think my dad and i are a lot closer than me and my mom.

and that's not to say that my mom and i don't get along, we just butt heads more than my dad and i do. And if I'm being honest, I've always been a bit of a Daddy's girl.


I tell my dad pretty much everything and in return he's very straightforward and honest with me...even when I seem to miss the point of it all.

Anyway, I just wanted to take this time to PTL for my dad.

Whenever I have a conversation with someone about God and trusting His timing, trusting that He's listening and that He'll never leave us, I always reference my dad because he strikes me as a shining example of a godly man who strives to be Christ-like.

A lot of teenagers and the youth come to me and will express their struggles with feeling like God isn't listening to them or how they pray and God just doesn't seem to come fast enough. But my response is always that God has His own timing and the reason why He would choose to delay anything He gives us is justly reasoned.

Maybe it isn't what we need.
Maybe it isn't what we need at the moment.
Maybe we need to ask in a better way (meaning without selfish intention).
Maybe what we're praying for just isn't good for us
Or maybe we need learn something first before we can be ready for it.

First and foremost God is a father. He is the perfect Father and, like any father, He knows us better and what we need better than we know ourselves.

I always reference my dad because it has happened a lot in the past with me. I've asked to go to a party or to hang out or for money or for anything really and it's never about my dad NOT wanting to give it to me or my dad NOT caring enough to give it to me. Honestly, my dad would give the world to me if he could, but...he knows what's right. He loves me to much that his priority isn't what I want, but what is safe, what is right, what is good for me.

And that's God is towards us. It's not about Him, not caring or not loving us enough. It's about Him loving us SO much that we need to just trust His judgement.

My dad has never steered me wrong. My dad has always looked out for my best interests and I am so blessed because I know there are many other dads out there who don't take their job very seriously.

But God blessed me with an amazing dad, and that just proves that I can trust Him as my Father.

So, I PTL for my Darling Daddy and I PTL for being such a Fantastic Father in giving him to me.

More about saving my own life...

The past few weeks have been full of me trying to fit in "catch up" time with everyone I can think of, since school hasn't started for me yet and I'm free as a bird until mid-September. But this past week I found everyone else busy and myself with no one to "catch up" with.

So what did I do? Rent movies from Redbox of course! And in God's all-knowing goodness He made sure there wouldn't be anyone to distract me from finding and watching this movie:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Story plot?

The film tells the story of Jake Taylor, a young man who has it all: a basketball scholarship, the ideal girlfriend, and the right friends. But faced with the demands of the in-crowd, Jake has written off his childhood best-friend, Roger. Isolated and mistreated, Roger finally takes his anger to the extreme when he shows up one day on campus with a gun.

Jake's last-ditch effort couldn't stop Roger. The events which follow start to change Jake's world forever. He begins to question everything. Most of all, he is unable to stop asking: "Could I have saved Roger?"

In his search for answers, Jake finds himself looking for the next Roger.

He reaches out to geeks, losers, and loners. However, crossing the strict high school caste lines threatens everything Jake values. It also pushes him to answer the most important question of all: What do I want my life to be about?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This movie completely blew me away.

I mean, I've always loved Samuel Goldwyn Films, (the people responsible for Fireproof. Facing the Giants, etc. ) but "To Save A Life" is definitely a movie that surpassed my expectations. It addressed a lot of the problems young people face these days from drug and alcohol abuse to premarital sex to teen suicide and hazing even fear of the future. And what impressed me even more is that it addressed one of the biggest problems in the church regarding youth: kids who come to church out of habit and tradition rather than because they truly believe.

There is one portion of the movie that really sticks out in my mind and is the basis of this blog.

Jake Taylor, the main character, brings his girlfriend to Bible study for the first time and she quickly leaves feeling as though a lot of the girls (who go to school with her) were looking at her and passing judgement on her. She felt uncomfortable and like an outcast causing for her to want to leave.

When Jake returns to the Bible study after unsuccessfully trying to get her to stay he comes in time for the Youth Pastor to ask everyone for a moment of silence to reflect on Roger (Jake's old friend) and his suicide. He talks about how Roger had come to their Bible study the week before and wonders if maybe they had really opened up their arms to him he might still believe.

It's then during the "moment of silence" that Jake realizes that most of the kids in the room are not really paying attention. They continue to whisper under their breaths about school and their "regular" lives and it just throws him, causing him to lash out in anger
saying to all of them:

"Why come here if you don't let this change you?!"

And that spoke straight to me. It was a powerful thought and a powerful question made even more so by the fact that Jake (at this particular moment in the movie) was a non-believer. Someone who was coming looking to be changed or for a change.

I mean, we've all experienced those moments when we get fed up with people who just make the same mistakes over and over again and don't do anything to do better next time. But how often do we realize when we're the ones doing it? When we're the ones that keep making the same mistake or the ones that can't seem to change our ways? Maybe we're the ones that don't want to change our ways?

What about those people who can feel like there is something missing in their lives and so they come to church looking to be changed. How do we compare? Should we really be any different? Should we ever stop striving to be changed and transformed by the Gospel?

Gah. I don't know. I've just been thinking about it a lot lately and the bottom line of "To Save A Life" has just been echoing in my head.

"What do I want my life to be about?"

God.

That's what I want my life to be about. I want my life to be dedicated to Him and I don't want to be idle anymore. I don't want to stop changing and growing.

That's my prayer for this year. And I praise God so much for reminding me of that.

my pages and i

when i was three years old,
my father taught me how to read
and a whole world came to life.

As the years went on
i found that it wasn't just one whole world
but a gateway to millions.
Like the wood in The Magician's Nephew

and it has only grown
as more and more worlds have been discovered.

a few more favorable than others.

which taught me
a lot of things.
About happy endings. sad endings.
new beginnings.
old beginnings.

and it made me odd.
made me weird.

but most of all, it made me realize
that i could create worlds of my own.

and hopefully teach my kids to do the same.
start 'em young.

but anyway, that's beside the point.
Right now, I just PTL for all the things that brought me to this crossroads.
'Tis the most enjoyable one I've ever come to.
And the best thing is, I don't just have to choose one.

=]

VBS 2010

So the time has finally come... for VBS.

and for those who have no inclination as to what that is, it stands for

Vacation Bible School

mMm. feels so good to be dedicating a whole week entirely to the Lord.
Granted, we should always be striving to dedicate ALL of our time to the Lord, but sometimes we let time slip away from us and it's moments like this, when you truly schedule your life around your relationship with God, that it puts everything else into perspective.

The past two days have been JAMPACKED full of activities. And when I finally can stop myself from nodding off, I'll be able to expand more, but let me just share with you my favorite song from this year's VBS.

You know, a lot of people didn't like it after they first heard it because it has some yodeling. But once you get through, you realize that it is actually a REALLY great song.
CHECK IT!

TUMBLEWEED:

Don't be a tumbleweed
Going anywhere the wind may lead
plant your self deep
in the B.I.B.L.E.

God's word can set you free
From being like that tumbleweed
If you just take the time to learn your ABC's

You've got to A admit to God that you're a sinner
And repent
And turn away from your sin

You've got to B Believe that Jesus is the Son of God
And accept His gift of forgiveness
You've got to C confess your faith in Jesus
As your savior and Lord
Forevermore

And you won't ever be like a tumbleweed

Don't be a dried up
Fried up
Petrified.
Just let the love of God change you inside.
He's got a plan for you,
I guarantee

And it all begins with the ABC's

a little poetry on the side.

That Could Have Been Us

[What I've learned from Manila]

I saw a boy today,

who had no shoes.

The rain had begun to fall

and the mud began to rise up.

He walked through the streets--

with a metal rod as his scepter,

A broken piece from one of the broken buildings

That he claimed as his home.

He wore no shirt,
no shoes,

shorts that frayed at the seams,

and a smile, bigger and more genuine

than anyone would suspect.

The truth?

Most would have lost their smile long ago,

if they were forced to wade

through the circumstances of his.

But,

He knows of nothing else

than the life of which he leads.

In the squalor and the slums

Of a city where it's too hot,

too old,

and often times
too dangerous to tread alone.

He's never been to a place--

where the furniture is clean,

where it is warm and inviting,

sheltered from the rain.

He knows that such pleasures exist,

but exist in his world?

It's only a dream.

A dream that is my reality

While his reality would be my nightmare.

He wouldn't look at me and my life,

And muse that I could have been him

In another place,

another time,

If God had decided to write a different plan...

But as I looked at him,

Offering out his hand for spare change--

and leaping for joy at the 30 pesos
we pressed into his palm

I know, given the place,

given the time

given if God had written a different plan

He could have very well...

been me.

i miss the music....

Sondheim once said:

"Musicals are, by nature, theatrical, meaning poetic, meaning having to move the audience's imaginations and create a suspension of disbelief, by which I mean there's no fourth wall."

And I want that in my life, for the rest of my life.

Sometimes, I think that I might be crazy. Having this dream. I think that it's just a dream and I'm setting myself up for failure. I should just quit before I'm ahead...but...then I remember God has a plan and He must have a really big one for me if He keeps pressing this into my heart.

God planned for me to fall in love.

And He planned for me to find this and hear him through it.

Jerry Orbach:

"Now listen Sawyer and listen good.

Even if you don't give a damn about me, think of all those kids you'll be throwing out of work if you don't do this. Think of the songs that will whither and die if you don't get up there and sing them. Think of the costumes that will never be seen, the scenery never seen, the orchestrations never heard. Think of our show and the thrill and pleasure it could give to MILLIONS.
Think of "musical comedy" the most glorious words in the English language! Sawyer!

Think of BROADWAY!"

Proud mama.

last night was Cassie's last choir concert ever and she completely rocked it. =D

It's strange to think that four years have passed by in such a flash. When I think back on it all it is just too crazy for words sometimes....

But getting to watch Cassie take that stage as a senior, as a Madrigal, as a four-year choir member, and being able to do it side by side with her best and closest friends in the world made me choke up a little.

I've always been pinned as matronly. Motherly I guess. I have a bad habit of being a mom to everyone, but I just can't help it. I have a habit of getting involved and I believe everyone needs someone to be proud of them sometimes, and yet not everyone has somebody.

Granted, my sister and her friends all have great support systems and a great number of friends who are all proud of them. But that doesn't erase the fact that I am to.

I am very proud of all those high schoolers who have accomplished four years of hard work. I am proud that they ended strong that they have grown so much, with so much in store for them in the future. And I'm also glad that I got to watch them do it. I love you guys.

To my sister, even though we don't get along sometimes. I am so proud of you. And I love you.

the calm before the storm.

the next few weeks are going to be incredibly, horribly busy.

School is promising to be jam-packed with events and work and what not, so...I find it necessary to enjoy the time I have left to truly (truly, i say to you) capitalize on the moments of freedom.

And today was a good start.

I went to work this morning, no shocker there since it has been nearly two months since our new schedule has had me working 6 days a week. Worked from 6-11am then headed home to impatiently count down the minutes until Cassie's chamber audition interview while driving around looking for sour spray candy.

Smart & Final, the 99 cent store, and finally Blockbuster (where I rented a few goodies) then we were on our way.

It just so happened that all of the people I wanted to hang out with today had zero plans, so HOORAY for the ability to schedule some discipleship and accountability hang out time.

After Cassie's audition, which she killed btw, I dropped off Cassie for Choir practice, then picked up Kristine and Lidia before heading to our regular discipleship hang out: Hometown Buffet.

We ate WAY more than necessary and had a lot of great talks about how all three of us are awkward...but apparently I win the awkward award. (eh. not surprised)

Moving on: from there we picked up Melissa and trekked to P. Eddie's house for some quality Ormeo Family time, meeting up with the Reyei + mis hermanos. Getting down to business we unearthed the spoils of my trip to Blockbuster:

Ponyo
(Ghibli Studios' rendition of Little Mermaid)


And Valentine's Day
(one of my FAVORITE movies)

woot. loved it. And was reminded of the importance of fellowship. =D

I have thought about it alot over the past year. Thought about the type of ministry I feel God calling me to and my eyes have been opened to just how impactful a God centered relationship can be on all parties involved.

While I love music and LOVE my musicals, what I love more is the avenues that open up through them. The opportunities to become stronger together and to encourage others who are in need of it outweighs any amount of sheet music I could acquire. My only hope is to continue on doing the work and being a light for Christ to shine through.

Colossians 2:2-3
²My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, ³in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

spinning into perspective

"i got into a car accident."

Saying it out loud feels shocking and so I can't really be surprised by the reactions I get when I say it, but still, I find it unfathomable.

but here the facts:

I was driving down the 57 south, on my way to go pick up Alanna and Eric and possibly EJ for Cassie and Garrett's Cabaret show. I had just merged from the 10 west and was about 1/2 mile away from Sunset Crossing when I realized the lady in my left lane was preparing to merge into me. I don't even think she saw me or saw the fact that she sandwiched me between her car and another, but she just kept going. She was going to hit me. And so my initial instinct was to pull away.

I swerved right and then realized there was another car there and then swerved left again in my lane only to find her still coming. So I broke (out of instinct) and then the car fishtailed.

I lost control of the wheel and just felt the car drift; turning within the lane to face the wrong way and it kept going.

I remember thinking, "Please just don't hit anything. Please just don't hit anything. Please everyone just get out of the way." And my overactive imagination was running 6 million miles a second picturing collisions and overturned cars etc. etc. Finally, it was over. When my head stopped spinning I found myself facing the Northbound 57 and cars coming up on my left.

A few cars went around me, but most stopped and waited while I got my bearings and pulled out. It was there at the side of the road that I began hyperventilating.

After that it was a blur of tears and conversations in broken English between me, my parents (who came to my rescue) and the Asian couple who's driver's door was smashed in. I was set to believe that it had all been my fault, that I must have hit them and would have to suffer the consequences of that, but...they said it wasn't me. They said it was someone else that hit them and drove off.

Honestly? I don't think I'll ever be sure.

It all happened so fast. All I do remember was that, I forgot to think about myself in the situation. Throughout the entire ordeal I just kept thinking, "Please everyone stop. Don't come any closer. It's not safe. It's not safe." I was afraid of someone not seeing me and crashing into me and getting hurt.

I never realized what could have happened to me until my dad pointed it out later. He said, "Aarika do you realize that the way your car was spinning you could have tipped over?"

Honestly? No. I didn't know that. I didn't think about it. But I dreamt about it that night. I dreamt about it and daydreamed about it and when I close my eyes I can still relive it.

When you look at it my car, you wouldn't think any of this happened to me. My jeep is beast that will not be killed. But it happened. And regardless of the nearly invisible outward injuries, I've still got a few internal ones. Cause I can't seem to forget them.

I still remember spinning and praying and not being able to breathe and telling everyone I was okay when I felt horrible inside. I still remember pushing everything aside and pretending I was fine and breaking down whenever anyone hugged me.

I still remember and I don't want to forget.

Because to forget it all would be to forget that God saved me. That God rescued me in my time of need and protected me. That, even after it, He reminded me of all the people in my life that care and worry about me. God reminded me of how He has blessed me with my family and church family and just a plethora of people who are willing and able to comfort me in times like this.

But God also showed me, that I'm not afraid of death or to die, because He's on the other side. Granted, that doesn't mean I WANT to die. But, at least I know that, if ever the time comes, I won't be fearful of it because to live is Christ and to die is gain.

And lastly, God showed me that I still have a lot of work to do. There are people here that I am meant to affect and work here that I meant to do for Him. And there are things that I want people to remember me by, so I better get to it.

"I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done."

Pslam 118:17

yup. that's what i meant:

So, this is my monday/wednesday schedule:

5am-8am:
Work
[yuck.]
9:20-10:30am:
Theater Arts 260
[i am officially in LOVE with this class]
10:40-11:50am:
English 301B
[poetry class]
11:50-1:10pm:
My Lunch Break.
[campus is expensive]
1:20-2:10pm:
Psych 115
[it's my "feelings" class]
2:40-3:50pm:
English 418

[fiction writing]
4:00-5:50pm
My Nap time
[my car needs to get more comfortable]

6:00-9:50pm
Art 123
[Art & technology]

And it is OFFICIALLY
a new quarter.Honestly? I've never been so stoked for school before.

The first day is ALWAYS the first impression and, for me, it's when I realize whether or not I'm going to be pulling my hair out by midterms or consistently excited to start my days.

Now, in starting ANY new school term, there are 3 Important Factors that I ALWAYS consider:
1. Interest in the Subject
If you go into a class with the mindset that you DON'T want to be there, you are totally and completely setting yourself up for failure. A class you don't want to be in will always stay that way, so you will be prone to bow out, either early or entirely, or you'll just be mad the whole time and not get anything done. Granted, there will always be those subjects that you can't avoid. Classes you HAVE to take for GE credit or as a prerequisite etc. etc. It's a part of college, but...that's why this next one is SO important:

2.Professor
If don't like your professor, you will NOT do well in the class. A disliked Professor is one that is easily tuned out and, though it can be their fault for being uncharismatic and boring, you've got to work with it. Partner an uninteresting subject with an uninteresting professor and you've got a high risk Fail in the making.

But a GREAT Professor can make even the most boring subjects bearable. I hated taking Biology, especially when I learned I had to take capstone class, I was ready to cry. But my teacher was awesome and she made everyday fun and easy to understand and she was prone to cutting class short. Therefore? I got an A. Perfect example. KNOW YOUR PROFESSORS.

and
3. Familiar Faces

Being alone in a class that you don't want to be in or in a class where you have a professor that you don't want to be with is extremely uncomfortable. That's why it pays to make friends in your classes, and in your department. This way, even if you suffer, you have someone to do it with. And when you need to study, you don't have to make awkward advances towards classmates you have never met. When you've got a partner you are set. ESPECIALLY for those taboo moments like: Group projects [bleh]

So, always try to find someone you know in class. If you don't, then obviously it's time to make a friend, because I promise, having a partner to sit next to and to study with makes midterms, finals, and quizzes a LOT more enjoyable.

Take for example my French 102 class:

I am NOT great with Foreign languages, and during French 101, I was blessed with a very forgiving Professor who liked me. Therefore, she helped me a lot. BUT I was concerned about when I went on to 102. What if this teacher didn't help me? And what if I failed! Thankfully, not only was Professor Wolfgang really nice, I was in the class with about 1/2 of my French 101 class. Having them all there, made it a lot easier to talk freely and without nerves. They weren't judging me because they knew what I was going through. They were my class friends and now, I see them outside of French in OTHER classes and we suffer through THOSE classes together now to.

So what's my rating of this quarter when considering my THREE very important factors?

Well,
I don't know who this baby is, but he's got the right idea.
HAHA

Two thumbs up.
This quarter rates high on the awesome scale.
Not only do I have an immense interest in all of my classes,
(especially my theater and english classes)
I also love each of my professors.
I don't get bad vibes and they know their stuff. Granted there may be one that will flip on me throughout the quarter, but I can roll with the punches.
And of course, in each of my classes, save for one, I have at least one buddy from last quarter.

In the words of Miley Cyrus
[who's new movie my sister is begging me to take her to]

"Mix it all together and you know you got..."
what?
HAHAHAHAHA
woot. As corny as it is...let's pray it stays that way.
=D