In the future, but stuck in the past.

So, my sleeping schedule has been a little ridiculous:

The earlier I sleep, the easier it is to sleep through the night.

The later I sleep....well...the earlier I wake up.

Gah! How fair is that?!?

Ah well. What can you do about it? I will say this though. Waking up earlier gets me some uninterrupted computer time with the internet all to myself. XD "nax! what a bonus!" So, let's do a quick recap on yesterday...or rather the today that happened yesterday, and when I am able to find the camera later, I'll add pictures.

But here's what to expect in my next post:
[these are not pictures I took, just ones i found. The ones i took will be posted, but they pretty much are summed by these ones.]

Our trip to Ocean Park

Where we encountered fish that eat dead skin for 120ph/20 minutes (or 10 minutes with purchase of Ocean Park Ticket

And also, an AMAZING and soothing Jellyfish display

Then our venture into the Mall of Asia

where we got a little something for one of my dearest cousins.

Then trekked to TriNoma
just end our day with the Ju-Ju Boy worn out and cranky.
Good day. Hopefully I'll have pictures up soon.

till later.

Maligayang Pagbabalik

"Welcome Back"

A poem of my trip so far.

I've landed in the motherland.
The land of my mother,
of my father,
of my family,
and of all that makes up me.

This is where I come from.
Where it is my life started.
Not, technically, in the womb
Or in the mind of my parents
But in the plan of God.

He made it so,
Here.
In this place.

This place where my grandfather was saved.
Where he met my grandmother.
Where they created this life together.
And built a family AND a church.

Here,
where my mother was born first,
and my father, five years later,
on a completely separate island.

Here,
that offered a life
an education
and then a realization
of a life elsewhere.

Which then brought them there.
To my home across the sea,
and into the life
that I just stepped away from.

So now,
Since I've landed in the motherland.
She has welcomed me back.

Alright. I will just come out and say it. It feels good to be back. It's an odd feeling being five years older and wiser than my last visit. And it's even stranger being here without my mom. But I'm not without family and I'm not without faith that God is going to use this trip to bless me in amazing ways. =D

first cool and fun fact/blessing? Being in the Philippines means that I get to use
"Google Pilipinas"



It's actually pretty cool. Helps me practice my Tagalog when I'm on the internet. XD
More to come! Keep an eye out and keep on praying!

it was a learning experience.

"I can't expose a human weakness on the stage unless I know it through having it myself."
- Tennessee Williams -

The last few weeks have been oddly eye-opening.

And, as of late, I've come to find out a few things about myself that, aren't necessarily new, but...bigger than I thought them to be. More important, if you will.

So what's the next step?

Not sure. But, at this moment in time, I think I'm just going to ride it out as best I can and see where God's leading. Because, quiet honestly, I have no idea what's going on. Just that so far the ride has been enlightening, terrifying, and extremely fun.

Best combination there is, if you ask me.

i just need some clarity.

James 1:5-6
"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him."

Lately, my mind has been in shambles.

There are so many things that I've learned about myself within the last few weeks that I'm not sure where my head is at anymore. I've gotten inspired in a completely different way than what was expected and now it seems to have thrown all of my original plans onto the drawing board again. But is that wise? Is that safe?

the big question seems to be: Am I considering all of this for the right reasons? Or am I putting myself on a path that is more than a little rickety? More like, into the unknown?

I want to jump. But should I jump? And what are the repercussions that will follow if I do?

What are the repercussions that will follow if I don't?

Lord, I just want your guidance.
I want to do the right thing for the right reasons
And I want to trust that you'll take care of it all.

Please just, help me find You in all this.

I really am a 90's kid.

whenever I've seen those bulletins online that say to "mark" all of the things off some list that start off the with the request:

"finish this sentence: ice ice _____"

then moves on to mention the existence and coolness of yo-yos, skip it, and the rubix cube, I'll admit, they would age me. But moreover, they reminded me of everything I used to love about television and entertainment.

Recently, upon being reminded once more to truly think back on it all, I realized, especially in looking at what plagues our tv's now, that my childhood was a good one.

I mean, the majority of my time was spent in front of the television and I will say, I was a very happy child because of it. Granted, I have glasses and an extremely over-active imagination to show for it, but I was happy.

And lately, now, I find it hard to find something GOOD to watch, which makes me sad. -_-x

I mean, all there is now are the melodramatic sagas of teenagers with babies and small town supercouples that go against all odds, as well as hard-boiled detectives that use the system and their influence to cover for each other's mistakes. And that's all great...in moderation. But all the time? It's no wonder that our society is the way it is: desensitized to violence, corruption, and sex.

That's all we watch. Everything has a compromise. But what happened to the good old days when it was just plain entertainment? When it was funny and moral and just plain...good?

What happened to shows on -->Come on! You remember, things like:

When Melissa Joan Heart really did Explain it All...

When Larisa Oleynik was the original American Teenager with a secret life.
Only her secret was WAY cooler...

And Shelby Woo was the only detective we trusted.

And let's not forget what came before Survivor and Fear Factor.

Remember Legends of the Hidden Temple?
Or "GUTS"?
with it's big huge glowing mountain that was begging to be conquered?

What happened to all of that?

And why is Saturday Night Live the ONLY live sketch show that survived through our times?

The cast of All That were my heroes

And RoundHouse...well, they made me want to be a performer. Crystal Lewis has always been my idol.the 90's were a time where things were just good. Baggy pants and rainbow colored collared shirts and all...they were good. And they knew what good tv was.

see?

*sigh* I don't know. I guess it's just a shame that the state of television today is where it is. And I wonder if my younger cousins, nephews and nieces now are going to talk about Hannah Montana and Spongebob as fondly as I talk about Pinky and the Brain and Rocko's Modern Life.

I wonder if Wizards of Waverly Place is going to make as big an impact as Sabrina the Teenage Witch?

Is 90210 and Life Unexpected as good as Boy Meets World and Full House?

And will Degrassi and Secret Life of the American Teenager be the moral lessons for teens now as Roundhouse was for me?

I don't know. I just don't know. But I guess they will have to be.

I will say this though. I miss those shows....a lot.
Rest In Peace my dear childhood. And may you forever live in my memory.
=P

close encounters of the academic kind...

so the new quarter has started and I find myself with 3 on-campus classes, one lab on a different day than all of my other classes, and an online class. 17 units in all to add into the mix with my two jobs and crazy inability to say "no, sorry, I don't have time". In all honesty, looking back on my last post, I think I was more stressed with the idea of the impending quarter and the uncertainty of if I could deal with all of it. I was more inclined to believe that I was biting off WAY more than I could chew. But now, as I slowly inch forward day by day, it doesn't look so bad...and it could be worse. =P.

Anyway, to recap on my life thus far: I couldn't take 102 Japanese because I haven't taken 101 so I switched into a 101 French Class where my teacher is black with a british accent that disappears when she speaks french. She also likes to dance as she talks as a way to help us with our memorization.

I find the french accent and pronunciation hard because it requires you to lose some consonants while changing the sound of most of the vowels. WEIRD.

And to top it off, it's an 8am class. Hopefully that won't come back to bite me in the butt.

Anyway, then there is my Geology class with my motorcyle driving professor leatham who looks like Jeff Foxworthy (to the left) with Shawn Wallace's voice (to the right). It's really hard to concentrate with him because, not only do I keep thinking about what a weird mix of them he really is, he is also just WEIRD in general. In class today he totally ate chalk. He was trying to make a point...and I got it...but come on! CHALK? Haha.

And of course there is my subsequent Geology Lab with my very very VERY Canadian Professor Ross, I say that because he has got to have the thickest GENUINE Canadian accent I've ever heard, with "Eh?" And "aGAIN." It's so crazy...and I have weird flashbacks of Degrassi and Anne of Green Gables.

My online course is a MUS 180 class that's basically vocab and definitions submitted online as well as required attendance to 5 concerts this year. I really really REALLY want to go to the B.B. King Concert later in November, but it's expensive...I'll just have to pink up two extra shifts to pay for it. mMm good. I can feel the exhaustion now. =D

Finally there is my Creative Writing Class, the focus being poetry. My teacher is nice, as are my classmates, but I have to say it is truly an experiecne not being the only one in my major. It's downright foreign if you ask me. Why? Well, because for the first time, I'm not alone, and...I'm not that special now. Haha, i know, it soudns kind of petty, but you have to understand, I've always been the only one that's been a creative writing major with the goal of being a writer. There has always only ever been me, and now I'm in a class of 23 where more than 50% is the same. It'll take some getting used to...and I think once I prove not just to them but to myself that we actually are not the same, I'm distinct and different, then I'll be able to get ouf of this writing funk.

And that is my school career as of now. We'll see how it progresses over the next ten weeks.

Until next time
-later days

and so, the season ends.

Nicole Nordman once said in one of her songs that:

"Time brings change. And change takes time."

I think this summer I've seen more change than I could even imagine having time for, but...what can you do?

This is what I do:

haha. Here it goes.

Time ticks on and on.
I see moments pass me by in an instant
As the sun continues to set from east to west.

There are many things that I can't change,
Like the fact that each day I'm another day older.
Or the fact that things won't ever be the way they were--
last year, last month, last week, or yesterday.

I can't even change the fact that things are always changing.

it's really ironic actually.
When you think about it...

Change is constant.

Change is consistent.

We consistently change.

How about that?

Thank you Relient K

"The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair."
- Relient K "Be My Escape"

I've heard it before and so have you.
It's a staple comment made when you think things don't go your way.
When you think life is kicking you down just because it can.
"Life is SO UNFAIR!"

You can bet your bottom dollar it isn't.
Because if it was...man. We'd all be screwed.

If life was fair things could get slightly better for us,

But If life was fair to us then it would have to be fair to Jesus too.
And If life was fair to Jesus He would have been recognized as the true Messiah
If life was fair Jesus would have been saved all that pain and suffering on the cross

And if life was fair he wouldn't have had to die for our sins.
So if life was fair and he didn't die for our sins
Then there would be no attonement for those sins
And...since the wages of sin is death
If life was fair, we'd get exactly what we deserve.

So this is what I say..."Life is so unfair? Thank God."

first smore...

the other night...for the first time ever.
I had a smore.

My friends around me,
All far more experienced with the idea of these delicious morsels,
told me I was missing out.
So I had one.

And it was delicious.

But then someone asked me, "Didn't it change your life?"
And I had to think, if it really changed anything.

I'm not going to lie. It was really satisfying.
It was nice and warm.
Comforting even.

And all of the poptart smores I had ever had paled terribly in comparison.
But did it change my life?
Was I suddenly more whole than I was before?
All because of a perfectly toasted marshmallow, a piece of chocolate and a couple graham crackers?

They said I was.
My friends had told me prior to the consumption of my first smore that I had not lived yet.
But is that the truth?
Was my life truly a vast hole of nothingness because I had never had a smore before?

I don't think so.
I'd like to think that I have a greater source of sustenance than a silly smore.

But it was good.
It was darn delicious.
And...I kinda want another one.

But was it really that good?
Was it really so good that my whole life was changed?
Can I live without it now that I've tried it?

I guess that's the question now.

pray that I figure out...
because deciding that an inconsequential temporarily satisfying piece of sweetness is life changing....
doesn't necessarily mean it's life changing for the better.
In fact...it could just to an addiction of temporary satisfaction...
And that could only lead to trouble...and a life full of searching to fill a void that I've created.

sometimes...ignorance truly is bliss.

ps. there is so much more to life than smores.

poetry moment:

Open your eyes.


Take this sword that is being offered to you--
And fight.
Fight for the life--
For which His was sacrificed.

And change.

From the inside out
Because that’s what it’s about
To live for something more--
And settle the score
To achieve a victory greater
Than what this world has in store.

How I Used To Be

I've been struggling a lot lately with my writing. For some reason everything feels...forced and contrived and so...square. I feel stifled, but not just in my secular writing but in the writing that i desire to glorify God with. It's all...so not up to par. And it got me thinking to how it used to be before. How did I do it before? How did it come so easily? Because there was a time where you couldn't get me to stop and I had so much to say. So I went to go look. I went back into my old stuff and read it again and again and again. Trying to remember the mindset I was in and that's when I stumbled across this post on my xanga. It was my post after the last day of school junior year. I had bombed my Madrigals audition and not made it into the advance group which broke my heart but...by the end of the week I had been named President of Aria for the next year. I had been given a different chance. haha. And so this post came out and it reminded me about what truly and honestly SHOULD ALWAYS be the focus of whatever I do. God.

Build A Bridge

It's easy to get disappointed in life.

There are so many things that can go wrong, so many things that you can blame on circumstance or things that make you feel inadequate. Like you're not good enough. But, the important thing is to understand that with all those faults, with all of those flaws; God still loves you. He will always love you.

The important thing is to build a bridge with that knowledge.

Whether you fail a test or you didn't get the part you auditioned for in choir, God is consistant when we aren't.

It's been an intersting week for me. The first two days have been full of disappointment and self-pity. I've felt all of these emotions of being not good enough, and I've at times beaten myself up for being less than what I really think I'm capable of. But I've come to realize that no matter how others may judge me, no matter what others may think of who I am. They don't know me. God knows me. God knows me better than I know myself and if I can convince myself that I've just had a bad week, that I am better than this, then, I can know that God has always had faith in that fact.

He made me in His image. I am from Him, and because of that I can be whoever and whatever I want to be. I have the potential to be everything, because He is my everything. He is my rock, my Savior, my redeemer, my strength. Through Him I live, and no one else in the world can take away that truth from me.

It's so easy to feel like you don't belong, that you don't matter, and it hurts, it will always hurt. But, no matter what, God knows the truth. That's all that matters in the end. It's ok to cry, to feel disappointed and feel as if you failed. It's ok, because those are human emotions, that's the price we pay for being only human. The next step is to accept that you made a mistake, that you did ultimately fail. But you learn from that, you take the knowledge from that experience and spin it. You tell yourself that I don't ever want to feel this way again, and you take strength in Christ, in God; you take strength in the fact that he loves you and you build a bridge over that failure. You get over it.

No one other than God can tell you you're not good enough. Because no one else knows you. No one else has the right to judge you. Life is full of shortcomings. You will have to build bridges over and over again, and some you even have to tear down because the only way to accept that failure is to wade through it to the other side. But take solace in the fact that God has your hand. With him you can go anywhere, you have no limitations. You have the ability to be everything he has planned for you.

How much of a relief is that?

How can you continue to sit on feelings of inadequacy when God gave His only Son for you, so you wouldn't be inadequate anymore? So you would be enough? He sacrificed for you, sacrificed because He loves you. With that fact, don't accept anything less than being the best you can be. It's the least you can do. Not because it will make Him love you more, but because you want to be an example. To be a light among men. Sure, God isn't asking you to be the best at everything, because works don't put you higher on the list of entrance to heaven. But it can lead people to that list. It can make people ask, "What do I have to do? How can I be saved?"

Humanity does not understand love. It understands earning through works, which is why it has such trouble with idea of good people, who aren't saved, going to hell. But, with that, if you can understand God's love. Understand that accepting that gift of grace and love can fuel your good works, make you want to be better, then they will ask, "Why are you so good? What's you're motivation."

And with that, you can bring people closer to Christ.

You can tell them of your disappointments, tell them of your shortcomings and give your testimony, because we were all born the same, we were born sinners like the rest of the world. But now you show them that the only difference is Christ. You can teach that He is the ultimate salvation, through your failures, through your losses. People understand that, people understand struggle and they are inspired by others who build themselves to a higher level of success. It appeals to the human nature of society, it appeals to the belief that good people go to heaven, but that's where you teach them the truth: Saved people go to heaven.

You give them the Gospel.

Again, it's easy to be disappointed in life.

It's so easy for things to go wrong.

But the important thing to remember is that we are judged on a whole new level and the love of God through the sacrifice of Christ is our biggest accomplishment, even though we didn't do anything to deserve it. You teach that to a non-believer. You show them that even though they are sinners, they don't have to feel like they aren't good enough. If they accept Christ, they take Jesus as their Lord an Savior and really dedicate themselves to that truth, to the Gospel; then they don't have to be good enough in the end because He is. And that's all that matters.

-aarika

I want to get back to that mindset. Where I found it easy to write because I truly had something worthy to write about. And I still do, I just keep trying to look for answers elsewhere where the only solution is staring me right in the face.

Sometimes People Make Sense

"Don't make the world your priority, when to the world you're just an option."

oOo. haha strangely, though it is a variation of it, I found this saying on Facebook.

Flairs can be extremely entertaining sometimes.

as i fall asleep in class...

i pray for endurance because my government professor is very-very boring.

*sigh* the poor man.

and poor me! gah. what am i going to do if i can't find some sort of stimulus in this class?

poetry corner.

It's easy to rhyme.

You see, any idiot can take june and moon
While describing in detail the flowers that bloom
And even part ways with, "I'll see you soon,"
Maybe end with a line about hearts in tune.

But in all honesty

it doesn't do much

when you're able to rhyme but not able to touch

the soul of a person who's looking for truth

for answers; for clarity; or for poetry "in sooth"

so you see it's fairly to sit down and rhyme

to dictate a few words and take down a line

it's as easy as convincing the world you are fine

But sadly the truth is--

There's no progression over time.